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Michael slid down in his seat in English class.
It was only October, and he already felt like an
outcast. Again.
English was okay - at least they got to read books,
and Michael loved to read. They didn't have to partner
with other kids in the class, rarely had to get
in to groups for discussion, and the teacher didn't
pick on him. Yet. Of course, it was only October.
Michael had started the year full of hopes. Grade
nine had to be better than grade eight. He was 14
now, getting taller (though not tall enough), and
his mom pressured him a little less.
Michael was confident that this year he'd meet
some friends. He'd get to know other kids. He'd
find someone who didn't care that he didn't have
a dad. That Michael and his mom lived in a small,
run down house in the poor part of town. That Michael's
uncle was known by many of their parents as an outspoken
homosexual - marching in parades, leading discussions,
and making sure everyone knew that he was gay, and
proud of it.
Last year had been awful. The few friends he had
from elementary school all either moved away or
ended up at a different high school. He and Joey
had started out the year together, but soon drifted
apart as Michael became quickly labeled as an outcast.
Joey never even said hi to him in the halls anymore,
never mind actually asked him to hang out.
And to make matters worse, when all the other
kids were going on vacations together with their
families, or being sent off for two weeks to summer
camp where they could deepen friendships, Michael
had to work. His mom couldn't afford to keep their
house on what she made at the diner, so Michael
helped out washing dishes and cleaning up. He only
made minimum wage, but it helped, and he knew he
had to do it. His mom couldn't do it without him,
despite what she said. And Vic contributed too,
but he lived the high life. He had a fancy apartment
in the city, danced and drank and ate at expensive
restaurants, and why shouldn't he? He was a good
looking man, he worked hard, and he deserved to
enjoy what he earned. He always made sure Michael
had shoes that fit, new jeans for the first day
of school, and a warm coat for winter.
But still - their relationship was a bit strained,
and Michael didn't feel like he wanted to take too
much from Vic. Although Michael loved his uncle
Vic dearly - he was as close to a dad as Michael
had ever got - he sometimes felt... well... embarrassed
when people found out Vic was related to Michael.
He had recently taken to refusing Vic's offers to
take him to the new movie or the arcade, for fear
of someone seeing them there together. And thinking
that Michael was like his uncle Vic.
The last thing Michael wanted anyone to think
was that he was gay. Because it wasn't true. It
SO wasn't true. The words repeated themselves over
and over in Michael's head as their English teacher
instructed them to read the next four chapters of
Lord of the Flies. It just wasn't.
Michael tried to concentrate on the book, tried
to immerse himself in the story of the boys stranded
on an island... no parents... no rules... Michael
sometimes wished he could be there with them.
"Excuse me class, we have a new student that'll
be joining us for the rest of the year," Mrs. Wilson
interrupted the quiet in the room as the students
read.
Michael kept his head buried in his book. Great.
One more person to ridicule me, he thought.
"Brian just transferred from Southmont. Please
make him feel welcome here," she continued.
Michael raised his eyes from his book a moment
to get a look at this new kid.
Oh... God... Michael felt a flush burn his cheeks
suddenly as he stared at Brian and his breath caught
in his throat.
Brian looked around the class at the faces, a
bored look peeling across his heavy lidded hazel
eyes. His gaze tripped over Michael, but didn't
stop. Brian took in the looks, and caught one girl
staring at him, her mouth open. Brian was used to
this reaction. He knew he was a good looking kid,
but he didn't care. He just wanted to get high school
over and done with. And screw his Dad for making
him change schools in the middle of the year. He
would prove that he could succeed where ever he
went, and still fuck around as much as he wanted.
He pushed past the teacher and slid into an empty
desk near the back of the room, tossing his knapsack
on the floor, and pulling his jean jacket around
him.
Michael had held his breath as Brian walked by
him, resisting the urge to turn and watch as he
sat down at the back of the class. Michael didn't
understand why he was feeling the way he was. Didn't
understand the rush of blood to his cheeks - the
funny sensation in his stomach. Maybe I'm getting
the flu? He asked himself. He just felt weird, and
it all started when he looked at Brian.
The remaining 45 minutes of class dragged by.
Michael couldn't focus on his book anymore, and
hoped the teacher wouldn't ask him a question. All
he could think about was this new kid... Brian.
He ached to turn around to catch a glimpse of him.
To get one more look. And yet, Michael didn't know
why. He just knew he wanted to.
Finally the class was over, and Michael busied
himself with his knapsack, waiting for Brian to
leave ahead of him. Finally Brian brushed past him,
his dark gray knapsack hanging off one shoulder.
Michael quickly stood and followed Brian out. He
walked behind the new boy, noticing how his jean
jacket was a little too big for him, and his jeans
a bit baggy in the back. His Doc Martens were scruffy
and worn. Michael focused on the back of Brian's
head, conscious of keeping his distance so it didn't
seem too obvious that he was looking... no, staring
at him.
Brian didn't stop for anyone, and Michael had
almost forgotten where his next class was, when
suddenly Dan stepped right in front of Michael,
blocking Brian instantly from his view.
Oh shit... thought Michael too late as he slammed
into the broad chest of the football player.
"Well look who's here... little queenie," Dan
laughed out loud to his pals, who watched as the
tall boy grabbed Michael by the front of the shirt.
"Tell your mom to be more generous the next time
she serves me at the diner, queer."
Michael held his breath, remembering that his
mom told him not to honor any of their taunts with
a comeback. Keep quiet Michael, he told himself
over and over in his head.
"So... what have you got to say for yourself?"
Dan urged Michael to say something, but Michael
wouldn't oblige. If he couldn't have any friends
in high school, he'd at least try to keep his self-respect.
Dan pulled Michael to his toes, yanking on his shirt.
Suddenly the older boy pushed Michael to the floor,
and his knapsack went skidding across the linoleum
into the feet of the other students that watched
the spectacle. Michael landed on his ass on the
cold floor, pain shooting up his tailbone.
"Go fuck yourself, queer," Dan sneered at him,
kicking Michael's knapsack down the hall and out
of his reach. "Go home to your fag uncle and your
fag mother. No wonder your dad left. Your mom's
a fucking lesbo!"
Michael sat on the floor a moment before climbing
to his feet. He was so angry, but he just gritted
his teeth and let out a big sigh. He knew he couldn't
fight Dan - he was simply too small and had no friends
to back him. But one day, one day Michael would
show that asshole who was boss. And prove to him
that Dan didn't know what he was talking about.
Standing up and wiping off his pants, Michael
headed to find his knapsack on the floor. Glancing
across the rows of lockers, Michael's eyes passed
across Brian's. He'd seen the whole thing, and now
stood there, taunting Michael with his hazel eyes
and intense stare. He just looked at him. Michael's
jaw dropped a bit, and his heart stopped. He suddenly
felt so sick, he thought he was going to puke right
there in the hall. Fuck... he thought, Brian will
never want to be my friend, now that he knows I'm
the class loser.
Michael dropped his head and swallowed hard, pushing
past the other kids to pick up his knapsack. All
he could think about was not looking at Brian ever
again, and not puking. He didn't think he could
do either one.
He made it into biology late, and sat through
the whole class, holding his stomach. He must be
getting something. His stomach flip-flopped, and
especially when he thought about... don't think
about him, he yelled at himself in his head.
Michael sat through lunch alone at the back of
the cafeteria. His sandwich had been crushed when
Dan kicked his bag across the hall, and all that
was left was a miserable apple. Michael chewed on
it slowly, trying to make it last all lunch hour.
His gaze kept flicking to the door every time it
opened, and he knew why... he knew who he was looking
for...
He'd finished his apple, and realized he still
had 20 minutes left for lunch. He snuck outside,
and making sure no one was watching him, he scurried
into the woods behind the school. Michael had found
a secret spot there that no one else ever went to.
A piece of an old water tunnel, round and made of
concrete, sat there. About 8 feet long and 5 feet
high, Michael found it was the perfect place to
sit and be alone. Open on either end, the tunnel
offered protection from the rain, and a place away
from glaring eyes.
Michael sat on the cold concrete, and leaned against
the cool curved wall of the tunnel. Pulling his
knapsack in front of him, he carefully took out
a small stack of comic books. They got a little
bent when Dan kicked his bag, but Michael had made
sure each of his comics was protected with a cardboard
backing and plastic bag. He knew he was pretty careful
that way, but lately his comics were his best friends,
and he treated them as such.
He delved into the world of Captain Astro, absorbing
each word, although he'd read them all a thousand
times before. He didn't want to think about anything
else except for the adventures of his favorite superhero.
And he didn't. The 20 minutes slipped by before
he knew it, and when he heard the bell ring to start
class he quickly tucked his comic away and ran back.
Shit... he'd forgotten he had gym next. He hated
gym more than anything else at school. Having to
change in front of everyone. Having to wear his
worn out sneakers, ones his mom picked up at the
Salvation Army, when everyone else had Reeboks and
Nikes. Having to endure running around the track
over and over again.
He found a quiet corner of the locker room and
changed before anyone could notice his arrival.
Michael headed out to the gym floor ready to suffer
whatever the gym teacher was about to dole out.
He stood at the back, staring at his shoes, listening
to the jock talk and watching the girls crowd together
at the other end of the gym, laughing and gossiping
amongst themselves. Michael always imagined they
were talking about him. Talking about how skinny
he was, how short he was, how much he didn't fit
in with the rest. Michael knew none of them would
ever go out with him, not that he wanted to ask
one... he just hadn't seen the girl he liked yet...
but he knew he would. He knew he'd find someone
to ask out. He would. He would. He would.
"Okay class, start your laps," Coach bellowed.
Michael joined the others as they began their
laps around the class gym. He tried to go slow so
he wouldn't have to do as much, but that never worked.
Then he saw him, jogging out of the change room
to join the class running around the gym. Brian.
Taking to the wooden floors, Brian took the lead,
running faster than anyone else. Michael watched
his long legs striding in an easy pace, but still
overtaking the jocks that suddenly quickened their
stride to keep up with this new boy. Brian was obviously
a natural runner, his lean form built for speed.
All eyes were on Brian, as he sped around the
gym, ignoring the unspoken rule of passing Dan and
his jock friends. Unaware of the admiring looks
of the girls, Brian continued his pace, a look of
contentment and satisfaction clear on his face.
He was enjoying this.
Michael braced himself as he knew Brian was coming
up behind him, ready to overtake him. Why did he
feel like this? Why did this Brian make Michael
feel so funny? His thoughts left him as he watched
Brian take another turn in front of the class, and
he smiled. Wow... this kid would be someone to know,
he thought. Doesn't give a shit about anyone or
anything, by the looks of it.
"Okay everyone, enough," Coach hollered after
the class had run for 15 minutes. "Get out the basketballs
and practice shooting hoops."
The kids started lining up to toss basketballs
into the net. Michael watched as the coach came
up to Brian, and lightly took his arm, pulling him
aside. The two had a brief conversation, smiling
and laughing. Michael's concentration was on Brian,
and not where he was walking, so he didn't notice
as Dan stuck his foot out in his path.
Michael tripped over his foot and fell face first
to the floor, his chin banging the ground sharply,
and his knee sliding across the shiny flooring.
Oh God... twice in one day. Tears threatened at
his eyes, and Michael begged himself not to cry.
At the noise, both the coach and Brian looked to
see what had happened, and Michael knew that once
again, those hazel eyes would be judging him. Watching
him, and seeing what a loser he was.
"What's going on, Novotny?" Coach bellowed, as
the class stared Michael, splayed out on the floor.
"N-Nothing Coach," Michael pulled himself to his
feet, the skin on his knee pushed away and the raw
flesh starting to bleed. "I just tripped."
He heard Dan snort behind him. Michael knew he
was being laughed at - not only because he was such
a wimp and let himself be picked on in the first
place, but also because he lied to protect those
that were tormenting him. He couldn't win.
"Can I be excused? I think I need a Band-Aid,"
He limped towards the change room, his chin aching
and his knee starting to bleed now too. At this,
Dan burst into laughing, and the rest of his crew
followed suit, sniggering and snorting at Michael.
"Cut it out!" Coach bellowed at the jocks, and
Michael heard them stop as he walked into the change
room.
I can't do this anymore... Michael thought. I
can't live like this... He stood in from of the
sink, avoiding his reflection in the mirror. He
just stood there for a moment. Not wanting to cry
so badly. Not wanting any of this to affect him
anymore. He was a nice guy... why couldn't anyone
see that?
Michael wiped up the blood from his knee with
some paper towels, and quickly opened his locker
and changed into his regular clothes.
Fuck it! I'm not dealing with this today, he decided,
and slipped out the back door of the change room
and headed for his secret place in the woods.
It was quiet, and Michael felt a little guilty
for skipping school. He'd never done it before,
and knew he shouldn't because he needed all the
help he could get with school, but he didn't care
today. Didn't care anymore. The cool concrete pressing
against his back was all the comfort he needed right
now.
Finally feeling a little secure, he let the tears
fall from his eyes. Why, why, why... the questions
kept rolling around in his head, and a sob escaped
his lips. It just wasn't fair.
The bell rang for the next class to begin, and
Michael held his breath, feeling like he needed
to be extra quiet in case someone found him. Which
they wouldn't. As if they'd even look for him.
He took a deep breath, and wiped the tears from
his face, more threatening to fall. And then there
was Brian. God... why did he keep coming into Michael's
thoughts? Maybe the taunts were true. Maybe he was-
Michael's train of thought was interrupted as
he heard the soft crunching noise of someone crushing
leaves beneath their feet as they approached. Someone
was coming. Michael pushed himself closer to the
center of the tunnel, but as it was open from both
ends, there wasn't much room to hide. He sucked
in his breath and waited to hear if the steps came
any nearer.
"Hello?" An unfamiliar voice echoed in the small
chamber.
Michael stayed quiet, hoping the person would
go away.
"Are you okay?" Any thought that Michael might
have had that he would left alone shattered as the
person stepped into view. Oh shit... he thought.
It was him. The new kid. Brian.
Brian bent his tall frame into the small tunnel.
"Are you alright?," he asked again, genuine concern
crossing his brow.
"Yeah..." Michael kept his head down, trying to
hide his tear stained eyes. "I'm fine. Listen, you
better not let Dan and those guys see you with me
- you'll never make any friends here." Michael warned
Brian, as he pushed himself farther away from where
Brian stood at the entrance to the tunnel.
"Those aren't the people I would want to be friends
with," Brian said, pulling himself into the tunnel
and plopping himself down on the cool cement across
from Michael. "And I couldn't give a shit if they
see me."
Brian pulled a package of cigarettes from his
jacket pocket, and offered on to Michael, who shook
his head 'no'.
He watched as Brian carefully lit the cigarette,
sucking back the smoke into his lungs, savoring
the sensation.
"Aren't you a little young to smoke?" Michael
asked, trying not to sound like a wuss, but not
doing a very good job of it.
"Aren't you a little old to be reading comic books?"
Brian retorted, motioning to the plastic-wrapped
comic peeking out of the top of Michael's bag.
Instantly, Michael's face flushed with embarrassment,
but a big grin spread across Brian's face.
"I'm Brian," he smiled at Michael, stretching
his long legs out to rest beside Michael.
"I know," Michael said miserably, so uncomfortable
by the closeness of this new boy, but so unsure
why.
"I know you know... but I was trying to get you
to tell me your name!" Brian laughed, shaking his
head at Michael as he flicked his cigarette away.
"Oh... Michael," he replied. No wonder he didn't
have friends. "I'm sorry - I'm not a dork... I'm
just not used to people coming up and talking to
me... I guess-"
"Whatever," Brian brushed away the apology, and
slid over beside Michael, reaching in his bag to
pull out the comic. "I was just shitting you about
the comic. Comics are cool," Brian slid the book
out of the plastic, holding it carefully, one eye
on Michael to make sure he wasn't going to freak
out.
"Really?" Michael's face lit up, and he leaned
over Brian's shoulder to see what page he'd flipped
to. "Oh, this one is really good. Captain Astro
like goes all evil and... shit... and it's cool,"
Michael finished, his embarrassment from before
almost vanished as he discussed his favorite topic
- comics.
"You're really into them, hunh?" Brian asked,
looking at Michael.
Michael couldn't tear his eyes away from Brian's
gaze. "Um, yeah. I... well, I don't really have
a lot of friends at school, so... well, sometimes
the comics make up for, I guess." He thought he
would fall into Brian's eyes, his stare was so intense,
his hazel eyes taking in everything about Michael.
"Hmph," Brian returned his eyes to the comic,
reading quietly as Michael read over his shoulder.
"Why are you here?" Michael suddenly asked Brian,
curiosity about this new boy overwhelming him.
"Because I hate Math, and I decided to skip it,"
Brian replied, not taking his eyes off the comic.
"No... I mean why did you have to change schools?"
Michael pressed again.
"Why else?" Brian looked at him. "My dad."
"Oh." Michael said quietly.
Brian sensed Michael wouldn't be satisfied with
that answer. "He got a new job, and he decided to
rip his family out of their happy home across town
and bring them here," Brian finished. "We used to
live in an apartment, but with this new job, he
could afford a house. So he bought a shitty house
in this neighbourhood, and he told me I had to change
schools," Brian looked at Michael to see if the
answer was enough for him.
"Oh," Michael repeated, a bit taken aback at the
sudden outburst. "I don't have a dad... so, I don't
know about stuff like that," Michael said.
"Having a dad or not has nothing to do with it.
Having a shit for a dad does," Brian said, his voice
harsh. "Whatever," he shrugged suddenly. "I guess
I'm here now, so fuck it." He turned back to the
comic, and Michael kept his mouth shut reading over
Brian's shoulder as he flipped through the comic.
Soon the boys heard the chime of the end of day
bell, and Michael started to pack up his bag, pulling
the comic from Brian's fingers.
"Sorry Brian, but I have to go to work now," Michael
said. "My mom expects me at the diner exactly 25
minutes after she hears that bell."
Brian laughed, then saw how serious Michael's
face was. "Really?"
"Really," Michael said, as he pushed himself out
of the tunnel. Brian followed, stretching his arms
over his head, his t-shirt lifting to reveal a small
patch of white tummy to Michael. He quickly turned
away, hoping Brian hadn't seen him look.
"Your mom must be a real hard ass," Brian said.
"No - she just loves me," Michael replied matter-of-factly,
then started to push through the trees to reach
the sidewalk.
Brian followed Michael and started to walk towards
the diner with him, which was in the same direction
as his home. When Brian proclaimed they'd reached
his street, Michael was startled to discover they
only lived a few blocks apart. Brian started to
walk down the road to his house, then stopped and
turned around.
"Hey, do you want to hang out again?" he asked
Michael.
Michael wanted to yell 'are you kidding? Yes!'
but kept his cool, and shrugged his shoulders. "Sure...
as long as you don't care about what everyone else
thinks..." Michael trailed off.
"I don't care," Brian said, smiling at him and
turning to walk towards his house. "See you Mikey,"
he called over his shoulder. Michael felt a twinge
of excitement in his stomach. Nobody had ever called
him that before. Mikey. He kind of liked it.
Michael stood for a moment, watching Brian walk
towards his home. He tried to tear his eyes away
but couldn't. Just couldn't. Finally Brian started
to turn up a driveway, and Michael realized that
Brian could see him standing there, so he quickly
picked up his pace and headed for the diner.
Hiking his knapsack on his back, Michael smiled
to himself. 'Mikey', he thought. I like that.
The smile was still on his face when he reached
the diner, which was packed full as usual with the
after school crowd.
"Baby!" Deb hollered at from behind the counter.
"You're on busboy duty today - Johnnie's sick!"
Even the thought of picking up people's dirty
dishes couldn't wipe the silly grin from his face.
He had a friend. A genuine, bona fide friend. Maybe
things weren't so bad after all.
He dumped his knapsack in the backroom and quickly
grabbed one of the aprons that hung there, as well
as one of the dish trays so he could start collecting
the dishes. Deb caught a glimpse at the smile plastered
across his face and quickly grabbed his arm before
he could get away.
"What's the grin for, son?" she smiled herself,
so happy to see her little boy with some joy in
his face.
"Nothing, mom..." he started, then stopped. "Actually,
there was this new kid that started school today...
Brian Kinney... he's my friend." It sounded silly
to say it, but it was the truth. He was Michael's
friend. And he was by far the coolest guy in school.
Michael was so looking forward to this year.
They worked through the after school rush right
into the dinner rush, then even into the after dinner
dessert and coffee crowd. Michael didn't mind. He'd
be making enough tonight to even keep a few bucks
to himself. Maybe he'd get a couple of comic books.
Then again, he thought... maybe he'd stash it away
and save up for a cool jean jacket like Brian's.
Finally when 8:00 rolled around, it was time to
for Deb and Michael to call it a night. They hadn't
spoken much with the rush, but Deb was so pleased
to see Michael doing his work well, and with a grin
on his face that couldn't be wiped off for anything.
They were just getting ready to head out the door
when Vic popped his head in. "Heya, sis!" he cried
when he saw them leaving. "I was just coming to
get you two."
Vic held the door open for them as they walked
out. He gave Debbie a big hug, then pulled Michael
into his warm embrace. How badly Michael wished
he could pretend this was a hug from his father,
and not his uncle. But he was still on cloud nine,
and so looking forward to going to school tomorrow
to see his friend. To hang out with his friend.
To eat lunch with his friend. He tried not to think
about how pathetic he really was.
Vic threw his arms around Deb's shoulder, then
Michael's. "Okay kids, I'm taking you out," he laughed,
always in a good mood, always wanting to share his
happiness with his family.
"Sure," Debbie laughed back. "What's the occasion?"
"No occasion. Just happy to be with my favorite
sister and my favorite nephew," He squeezed Michael's
shoulder. "How `bout it, Michael? Do you want to
go out somewhere interesting for dinner tonight?"
"Sure, uncle Vic," he smiled, his usual apprehension
brushed away with everyone's good mood. "Anywhere
but the diner would be a welcome sight right now."
"Hmmm... where can I take my family," Vic pondered,
as they wandered into the busy streets and close
to Liberty Avenue, the gay district of Pittsburgh.
"I know... there's a really great new Japanese restaurant
that Stephen and Eric opened up. You know them Deb
- Stephen does that amazing Madonna impression -
he led the gay pride parade last year."
"Oh, right!" she laughed remembering Stephen's
over the top costume that mimicked Madonna in her
"Like a Virgin" phase. "The wedding dress - like
a virgin my ass!" Deb and Vic burst into gales of
laughter as they recounted the event. "Sounds great...
Michael sweetie..." she leaned around Vic to look
at her son, trying to read his face. She knew that
since starting high school last year, Michael had
started to act a bit differently around Vic and
some of his gay friends. She suspected she knew
why, but wasn't ready to confirm her suspicions
yet. Until then, she let him call the shots and
gauge his own comfort level over where they went.
"Yeah mom... Japanese would be awesome," Michael
was in another world, long having tuned out his
mom and uncle Vic and their reminiscing about his
friends.
The three hit the restaurant and had an amazing
dinner. Vic's friends Stephen and Eric sat with
them, and they laughed all evening, as much at the
jokes they told as at the innuendo they hinted at,
in an effort to shield Michael from some of the
cruder tales. He was only 14 after all. But Michael
knew more than they could ever imagine. Michael
was just curious about what he was going to look
like when he got older... that's why he looked at
Uncle Vic's magazines. That's the only reason why...
he didn't want to think about that now. He just
feigned innocence and smiled along with everyone
as they burst into laughter.
Soon the clock turned to 11:30, and Deb realized
that it was a school night. "Gosh! We'd better get
this boy home," she announced, sipping back the
remainder of her wine. "It's past the time he needs
to get to bed."
"Come on, I'll get you a cab home," Vic pulled
his long legs out of the small sitting area, stretching
after sitting so long.
They said their good byes to their friends, and
with promises to return soon, hit the cold outside
air.
"Let's just walk a bit," Deb said. "It's a beautiful
night, and I think I need a shot of cold air after
that wine."
Vic and Deb held hands as they walked down the
quieter side streets. With Liberty Avenue to their
left, every once in a while they'd hear a hoot or
loud blast of music as a car drove down the busy
street.
Michael still smiled to himself, his stomach full
of teriyaki chicken and rice. Who'd of imagined
that a day that started so miserable could end up
so good?
As they passed one of the alleyways, Deb let out
a whoop of laughter at something Vic said, and a
sudden movement down the lane caught his eye. Michael
quickly turned his head and saw someone sitting
in the alley, jean jacket pulled tight across their
chest. At Deb's laugh, a face turned to look at
them, and Michael suddenly stopped in his tracks.
It was Brian.
"Hey... what are you doing here," Michael approached
Brian smiling at first, pleasure at seeing the boy
again coursing through him. But in moments, Michael
realized something was wrong. Brian was hunched
over, holding his stomach, and leaning against the
corner of the brick building lining the alleyway.
As Michael approached, Brian turned his face away
from him, looking in the opposite direction.
"Go away," he whispered quietly, his voice cracking.
"What?" Michael stepped nearer to his friend to
hear what he said.
Brian's face flashed towards Michael suddenly,
tears streaming down his bruised cheeks. "I said
go away!" he yelled loudly, trying to stand, but
crying out as he did so.
"Michael, honey what's wrong?" Deb and Vic came
to his side quickly as they heard the outburst.
As soon as Deb saw the battered boy, she gently
pushed Michael aside and knelt in front of Brian.
"What happened to you, honey?" she said, putting
her hand on the boy's forehead, not knowing who
he was, or caring either.
"Leave me alone," he said harshly through tears,
trying to cover his face with his hands, but every
movement causing him more pain. Vic rushed in to
grab him as he looked about to fall over. He caught
him in his strong arms as Brian slipped into unconsciousness.
"Do you know this boy?" Deb asked of Michael.
"Yeah," Michael whispered, in shock. "That's Brian
Kinney," he swallowed hard, feeling as though he'd
just been punched in the stomach. "My friend."
Vic had hailed a cab, and the four of them piled
in, Vic holding Brian in his arms. Brian drifted
in and out of consciousness. He wrapped his arms
around his chest, and let Vic cradle his head against
his shoulder. Despite Brian's height, he was lean,
and Vic was strong, able to easily support the boy's
weight.
Michael sat in the front seat, so unsure of how
to feel or what to say. He didn't know. He just
didn't know.
He was terrified that Brian had been beaten up
by Dan and his dick friends because they found out
he was hanging out with Michael. He was so convinced
of this, he made himself believe it was true, and
it just made him feel miserable.
He had a friend. For a day.
Once at home, Vic carried Brian's limp body upstairs
to Michael's room, putting him gently on the bed.
Brian seemed to wake up, and tried to sit up, but
bent over in pain, rolling on his side on the bed.
"Fuck..." he whispered, his eyes squeezed tight
despite the angry dark bruises on his face. "I feel
like I can't breathe."
"Let's get a look at you, kid," Vic took Brian's
hands in his, and pulled them aside, so he could
see what damage had been done to the boy's face.
There was no blood, but a sickening rainbow of colors
bloomed across his pale skin. Purples and blues
and yellows... the bruises covered one of Brian's
cheeks, slid up towards his eye, and rested on his
bottom lip, making it swell. Hands... no, fists
did this to the boy, Vic thought, shaking his head
in disgust at the thought.
Brian opened his eyes and looked at Vic, momentarily
taking the older man's breath away. This boy was
beautiful... how could anyone...? Vic took a deep
breath, trying to coax a wave of nausea to pass.
Tears streamed from Brian's hazel eyes... Vic
suddenly realized it wasn't physical pain causing
the sorrow... it was something more. Someone had
hurt this boy in more ways than one.
Vic wanted to cradle him in his arms, draw the
boy to him, and hold him tight. Tell him he was
loved. Tell him he was so special... but he didn't
feel it would be appropriate. Somehow didn't feel
right. He felt tears threaten at his own eyes, and
he swallowed a lump in his throat as he stared into
Brian's telling eyes. He said so much, yet nothing
at all.
Debbie came in quickly with a face cloth dampened
with warm water, and lightly touched Brian's cheeks
with it to wipe away the tears.
Michael just stood in the corner, horrified at
the scene before him, sick rising in his throat
as he gasped for breath, hiccupping in his panic,
his fear, his pure sense of not understanding of
what was happening before him, and what was happening
inside of him.
Vic slowly lifted Brian's shirt to reveal a large
purple bruise on his stomach. "Jesus Christ," Vic
whispered under his breath. Brian looked like he'd
been kicked repeatedly.
"Who did this to you?" Vic asked of the boy on
the bed.
Fear jumped into Michael's stomach. This was his
fault. All his fault. He didn't want to hear what
Brian was going to say and he panicked. His feet
were frozen to the floor. He didn't want to hear
it, but he also needed to hear it. To make it reality.
"Nobody," Brian whispered harshly, turning his
face away from both of them, pushing his shirt down
to hide the marks.
"Come on kid," Deb knelt beside the bed, brushing
Brian's long bangs out of his face softly. "Vic
and I will call your mom and dad-"
"No!," Brian yelled loudly, sitting up on the
bed, despite the pain. "Nobody is calling my fucking
parents," the boy gritted his teeth through the
pain. He gasped to gain his breath, his stomach
muscles quivering still from the beating and making
it difficult for him to inhale.
"Whoa..." Deb put her hand on his shoulder to
calm him down, as Vic stood, ready to catch the
boy again if he fell. "Now, now... there is nothing
to be embarrassed about... Lord knows Michael's
come home with a black eye or two-" she looked to
her son, who had pressed himself against the wall
as if trying to pass right through it.
Michael was pale, his eyes opened wide. He couldn't
believe what he was seeing. He'd never seen anyone
this beaten up before in high school. Never seen
a kid able to inflict this much pain on another.
"There is no one to call. There is no one to blame,"
Brian whispered, attempting to stay in the sitting
position. "I'm okay..." he tried to take a deep
breath, but shuddered as he sucked it in. "I'm alright."
As he said it again, the others in the room realized
that Brian wasn't talking to them, but to himself.
He slowly raised himself to his feet, arms out
in an effort to keep his balance, as Deb stood to
one side and Vic to the other.
"Mom... maybe we should just let him go home,"
Michael said, his voice ragged. He knew that the
last place Brian would want to be right now was
in Michael's home. In his room. Where the person
that was all to blame for this slept. Who could
blame Brian for wanting to go?
"Where do you live, Brian?" Vic asked, arms open
ready to catch him if he fell. Vic knew that teenage
boys couldn't be told what to do... they'd inevitably
want to do the opposite. He thought it best that
he try to get as much information as he could out
of Brian, and see if he couldn't let the boy decide
for himself that it was best that he go home.
"Just a couple of houses..." Michael started to
answer, then stopped as he saw the glare Brian was
giving him. He shut his mouth with an audible clap.
"Can... Can I just talk to Mikey for a minute?"
Brian asked, now standing in front of the bed, but
obviously putting on a show for Vic and Deb. He
looked like he was ready to keel over again, and
his breath came ragged.
"Listen kid, I would like to take you to the hospital,"
Deb said, watching him closely.
"No, really... I'm okay. I just need to talk to
Mikey," Brian attempted a smile, which came out
grotesque under the dark purple bruise on his face.
Michael was terrified at what Brian would say
to him. How could Michael ever apologize for getting
Brian into this mess? How could he ever...
Vic and Deb left the room at Brian's insistence
and promises that he was feeling okay. And an assurance
that he wouldn't try to climb out the window to
escape. Deb wanted to ensure the boy was all right,
and if he wouldn't go home, he was certainly better
under her roof than on the street.
Deb pulled the door shut, but didn't latch it.
She kept this trick from the days when Michael was
a little boy and had nightmares. She could push
the door open ever so lightly and check up on Michael
without making a sound.
As soon as the boys saw the door shut, Brian promptly
collapsed back on the bed, a huge sigh escaping
his lips. He lay sideways on the bed, his long legs
draped over the edge, touching the carpet.
Michael pressed himself harder against the wall,
not looking at Brian. Could he disappear if he wished
it hard enough?
The room was silent for a moment, then Michael
heard sudden wet gasps. He realized Brian was crying
again, and his instincts took over. He sat on the
bed beside Brian, then leaned back on the bed to
lie beside him, his short legs hanging over the
edge like Brian's, but not touching the ground.
Brian's hands covered his face, and Michael could
see hot tears streaming down the sides of his face,
wetting the dark bruises on his cheeks, making them
glisten in the light.
"Was it Dan?" Michael whispered to Brian.
Brian suddenly snorted, a bitter laugh escaping
his lips. "Are you kidding? No." He turned his head
and looked at Michael, revealing his red-rimmed
wet eyes. "Fuck no," he repeated, sighing heavily
again in an effort to catch his breath, which had
now started to come back.
"You can't figure it out?" Brian asked.
"N-no..." Michael replied. "I just figured it
was because they saw you with me... it's my fault."
"Mikey... it..." Brian started then stopped. "Never
mind. You wouldn't understand," he finished, wiping
his face with the sleeve of his jacket. "It doesn't
matter. And it definitely wasn't your fault."
He paused, then changed his tone. "Your mom is
nice. Who's the guy?"
"Oh... my uncle Vic," Michael answered, but not
ready to let Brian drop this. "Listen Brian, you
can tell me anything... I won't tell. I have lots
of secrets."
"Mikey... I don't know you. You don't know me.
You don't need to get involved in my shit," Brian
closed his eyes, his tears now gone, his cool exterior
returned once again. Despite the bruises on his
face and his swollen lip, Michael thought Brian
was the most beautiful person he ever saw in his
whole life.
"Brian... I don't have anything in my life. All
I have is my mom and my uncle Vic and my comics.
I have room in my life for your shit. For a real
friend. Tell me who did this," Michael said, his
heart open to Brian. He so wanted to help him. So
wanted to be a part of his life in anyway he could.
Brian slowly raised himself to his elbows, then
pulled his legs up to the bed, and sat cross-legged,
facing Mikey, who replicated the position. The boys
faced each other. Brian held his head down, his
soft brown hair falling into his face, covering
his eyes, protecting him. Michael's open, welcoming
gaze held Brian... he watched every movement. His
relief at it not being his fault was forgotten and
replaced with caring, empathy, and a sincere desire
to listen and help.
Moments passed. Brian sighed again. Michael sat
silent. He knew how to listen. How to be a friend.
"I didn't really do anything, you know," Brian
whispered finally, his voice cracking a bit. "He
just came at me... he just decided it was my turn...
he just-" he stopped suddenly holding his head down,
not looking at Michael. Brian squeezed his hands
together tightly, balling them into fists, then
releasing them over and over.
Michael waited.
"And I tried to get out of the house, and my mom
didn't do anything... and my sister just laughed
at me... and..." Brian raised his head and looked
at Michael, his eyes glistening with tears. "He
fucking beat the shit out of me. Again."
"Your dad," Michael said quietly. Not a question,
a statement.
Brian dipped his head, holding his breath, trying
not to cry. It wasn't the pain of the beating that
hurt him. It was the pain of being hated by his
father. It was the pain of having to leave his home,
be picked up by people he didn't even know, and
sit here in their house at 1:00 in the morning because
he had nowhere else to go. Because there was no
one that loved him. Fuck that.
Michael waited a moment, waiting to see if Brian
had anything else he wanted to say. More than anything
else Michael wanted to show Brian that he cared.
He tentatively leaned towards the boy, then reached
around Brian, hugging him tightly. Michael half
expected Brian to push him away and call him a queer,
but he didn't. Instead, he put arms around Michael
back, gripping him, holding on to him for dear life.
The tears came despite his attempts to stop them.
Deb couldn't sleep knowing the boy was in her
home, hurting, aching for something. She was confident
that Michael would be there for him - he was a natural
listener, with an open heart. He had so much to
give. He would be the best friend anyone could ever
ask for. Michael would give his life for you.
She used her old trick to push her son's door
open a crack so she could see if the boys were all
right. The two of them lay side by side on the bed,
eyes shut in sleep.
Deb closed the door and smiled. Her son had a
friend. Things would be better now.
Thank God for Brian Kinney, she thought, as she
headed back to her own bed.
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