JUSTIN’S POV

BABYLON

I feel...

Content.

Completely...

Content.

Not too long ago I didn’t think I’d ever be happy again.

But here I am.

Satisfied. Fulfilled. Sated.

Content.

I don’t even hear the music anymore... just move with him. We make our own beat, create our own rhythm and Brian’s hands on my waist feel good, his fingers softly pressing into my sides... he tilts his head forward and leans his forehead against mine...

And I smile...

My fingers slide around the nape of his neck, his hair tickling me, I close my eyes.

And I breathe...

Oblivious to everything else...

Except every exhale from his lips washing across my face...

His dick getting harder in his pants, brushing against mine, making me ache for him...

His fingers... caressing me everywhere... sliding through my hair... pulling me closer... holding me to him...

Our hands brush across our bodies, our fingers rediscover every curve, our lips touch like it’s the first time over and over and over again...

It’s like it’s new again. It’s like starting over. A second chance. A clean slate.

All the mistakes, the regrets, the feelings of remorse... the pain, the anguish, the unrequited needs...

All forgotten.

Only remember last night’s kisses... last night’s fuck... last night’s whispered words...

And look forward to tonight’s kisses... tonight’s fuck... tonight’s whispered words...

All new... all the same...

I know that people are watching us, swaying to our own vibe while hundreds of bodies thrash to the sounds engulfing the club. I know that eyes are staring, gossip leaking from ear to ear, bets lost and won.

But who fucking cares?

I don’t ever need anyone else, don’t ever want anyone else. No one else can make me...

This...

Content...

He tips his head back a little, and I slide my lips over his neck... feel his sweat brush damply across my mouth and I drink in the heavy smell of testosterone...

There... is... no one else... here...

We keep moving, keep trying to find new places to touch... to get more... get more of each other...

Kiss, like so many times before on this dance floor... kiss deeply, softly, full of a promise of more... full of passion and... lust... and...

Fuck, I can’t help it and let a grin bust across my face.

He looks at me and doesn’t say a word, just smiles back and pulls me closer to him again.

I’m so fucking happy, and I think it’s because I finally don’t give a shit...

About tomorrow or the next day, about what happens in the morning, what happens next year...

About what’s right or wrong...

About what I think I should want, what I want him to want...

None of it matters...

I finally understand it. I get it.

I... get... Brian.

Ah... close my eyes and let him guide me, run my fingers up his arm... he grips me around the waist, and we move together, our dicks crushed together in our pants. All that time wasted, worrying about whether or not he loved me, looking for ways that he’d screw up, counting all the times I thought he’d failed me.

How could I ever forget this feeling? This feeling of being with him, of loving him, of being loved by him. We owe each other nothing, have no promises to break, no commitments or expectations...

We just are...

We’re just together...

He can do what – and who – he wants.

And so can I.

I feel free and loved at the same time. Being with him because I want to, because it’s the only thing I want.

I open my eyes and smile. He’s staring at me, again...

All he does these days is stare at me. And smile.

Fuck, I only live for now. I only live for this second...

Nothing else matters...

His hands around my waist pull me to him hard... his lips are in my hair, then brush against my ear...

Let’s fuck, he whispers and I grin and nod. He takes my hand in his and pulls me towards the backroom, and I follow blindly. I’d follow him to the depths of hell, the heights of heaven... anywhere.

I stop him for a second to remind him that there are cops and suggest going back to his place, but he drags me into the back room. I’m pretending that I don’t want to go with him, putting up a playful struggle, but there’s nothing more that I want right now than his cock in my ass.

And he loves the thrill of getting caught...

I’ll admit I love it too.

He pulls me into the dark reaches of the backroom and leads me to an empty piece of wall, his hands guiding mine to grab the hand holds screwed to the painted concrete bricks. I squeeze them between my fingers, pulling myself up, and his tongue laps at the back of my neck, flicking my hair aside to get at my skin. His fiingers slide up my shirt, pushing it up around my arm pits... a hand on my chest, a pinch of my left nipple, a palm trailing down my stomach. He twists at the button of my jeans, then they’re pulled down just enough to trap my cock, but expose my ass.

Tear of a condom, press of his forehead against my neck, push against my belly with his palm...

Then he’s inside me...

Oh fuck...

He’s inside me...

Fucking me...

Pushing me back on his cock...

Rocking into me...

His legs on either side of mine, his groin fitting perfectly against my ass... and we fuck like we’re still dancing, we fuck like there’s no one here, we fuck like nothing else matters...

And it doesn’t.

Now faster, now harder... I press my face to the wall, pulling myself higher, letting him penetrate me at a deeper angle. His hands slide down the front of my pants, grasping my aching cock and pulling me out of my jeans... he starts stroking me softly, then jerking me off harder, double time to his thrusts...

Hear nothing but his gasps against my neck... feel nothing but burning, the friction of his dick so deep inside me... his warm, damp hands... so quickly bringing me to climax...

Don’t care about waiting or making it last or saving anything... 

Just... fuck... me... now...

My mouth drops open as it gets too much and I gasp for air, clinging to the grips on the wall. He breathes harder, grunting with each thrust... oh fuck, lights flashing into my eyes, thunder roaring in my ears, vibration of the music against the wall echoing through my body... a thousand sensations overwhelming me and then I focus on just the one... whole body tenses, suspended for a split second...

Oh fuck... fuck... fuck... I let go and... ah... ah... oh... oh... ohhhhh... ohhhhhhhhhhh... my body jerks with each spurt of cum leaping out of me, splashing against the wall... fuck... oh... fuck......... Brian follows me closely, holding his dick inside me hard and I squeeze my ass around him... few more thrusts and... he presses his cheek to mine, sticky with sweat, fingers in my hair scraping at my scalp... oh... oh... feel him cum, his hips driving into me, his fingers still holding my cock, quivering a little...

Then his whole body relaxes and he laughs.

Fuck, he whispers under his breath and pulls out of me. I hear the condom hit the floor and he lets go of my dick, stroking me softly as his fingers pull away, then brushing his thumb across my lips. It’s slick with my cum and I feel it spread across my skin, warm. I open my mouth and he slides his thumb between my lips, rubbing over my tongue and I suck my cum from his skin. Tastes so good, me mixed with him.

I let go of the grips and my body slides down the wall; he pulls his thumb from my mouth with a pop and turns me around, kisses me hard, holding my face between his palms. I wrap my leg around his knees and pull myself up, feel our dicks touch, both slick with cum, warm...

And... I’m so fucking satisfied...

So content.

A FEW DAYS LATER...

I kind of hung around after work, but Brian was in a closed door meeting all afternoon. Some new account that’s giving him troubles, I think. I don’t pretend to understand the ins and outs of client relations.

So, I decide to head home to me and Daph’s. When I get there, she’s throwing together a sandwich for dinner before her study session, so we eat together as she tells me all about this hottie she’s trying to snag, then she leaves, and I try to settle down to do some work on the comic.

I look at the newly printed issue that was just delivered. Hm. I fucking love it. I’m proud of this one, for sure. Rage and JT. Together.

The best art is honest and comes from the heart.

And this cover, this picture, is honest and comes from my heart.

Fuck, who cares if it’s transparent. Who cares if it’s obvious.

I don’t.

I poured my soul into this picture. This is what I want. This is what I’m feeling.

It makes me wonder how I could ever have doubted him. How I ever could’ve hurt him like I did. When I look back now, to just, what, four months ago? I realize what a fool I was.

But then, I guess I had my reasons at the time. During that long year of recovery... I won’t lie and say that I don’t remember how scared I felt, how alone I felt, how much I needed to know, to hear, to just fucking feel like he loved me.

Like he’d never leave me.

Like he’d always protect me.

I’ll never forget that... the panic, the terror, late at night. That hollow feeling I had, just needing to know that I wasn’t with him just because I was bashed. That he wasn’t just feeling sorry for me or trying to resolve a feeling of guilt.

I needed him to say it, loud and clear.

When he let me live with him, I should’ve heard him.

When he bought me a tool that saved my dreams, my life, I should’ve heard him.

When he gave into those ridiculous rules that I made up, I should’ve heard him.

Should’ve heard all that, and the millions things he’d do for me, every... single... day.

But, I’m over that now. I can hear him now, and it’s not that I’m waiting or expecting anything later, it’s that I'm perfectly happy.

Who knows what will happen tomorrow? Can’t make myself crazy thinking about that kind of thing anymore.

My month alone, really alone, helped me. Made me realize so many things. I always thought that I needed Brian to love me. But I realize now, I just need Brian.

Period.

I need him to be there to challenge me, to push me in the right direction, to hold my hand and kiss my face... to fuck me softly and fuck me hard. To love me in his own way.

And I’ve started to see the ways that he needs me. I always knew that he needed me for some things, but I think he needs me a little more now.

And I love that.

I wasn’t lying when I told him that I understood now. I do understand. And I don’t expect anything else. I won’t expect anything else. I don’t need anything else. I really believe that.

Being back with him, being back in his life—it’s more than I ever wanted. More than I thought I could want. I needed a fucking slap in the face to realize it, and I got it. I just wish I didn’t have to hurt him to do it.

But we all get hurt sometimes. And after the hurt, comes...

Bliss. Pure, unrelenting, happiness...

I never knew it could be this good. That he could make me feel this good. That by letting go, I would gain so much. That I would get... everything.

Screw working on the comic. We’ve fucked every night for the last week. Why stop tonight?

I slip the comic into a bag, throw on my jacket, and head out the door. It’s not that far to Brian’s, and I decide to walk, hoping that he’s home when I get there.

When I get to the loft, I start to walk right in, then think better of it. Knock on the door, and lean against it... wait a couple minutes then knock again.

He slides open the door with a water bottle in one hand and a scowl on his face, interrupted his workout, I guess, but when he sees me, a grin slides across his face.

“Hey,” he says, sweat beads across his forehead and drips down his chest and it’s all I can do from leaning over and licking it from his skin.

“Busy?” I ask, peering inside, though I know there’s no one there.

“Just, you know,” he motions to the treadmill and takes a long gulp of water. “Wanna come in?”

I shrug. “Well, I just wanted to bring you...” I hold up the bag.

“Hey, yeah. The new comic,” he walks away from the door to turn off the treadmill and grab his towel.

I follow him in and close the door behind me. I hate this awkwardness, it’s like the fucking never stopped, but sometimes when we’re just being alone and not fucking... it’s kind of weird. I think that’s why we don’t fuck at the loft that often. It’s just too weird right now. This used to be my home, and now it’s not, and I don’t think either one of us exactly knows what to say about it.

He wipes the sweat from his face, then tosses the towel over the arm of the treadmill, leaning against the machine and waiting for me to come to him.

I pull the comic out of the bag, a little nervous about what he might think, but more anxious to see his reaction. I hold it up for him to see and watch his face.

“Holy shit!” he laughs and tears the comic from my grip.

I laugh with him, relieved that he doesn’t take offense. I mean, well, he has every right to, if he wanted. He flips through the pages then back to the cover again, tracing over the image with his fingers, shaking his head a little, then glancing up at me, still grinning crazily.

“You...” then he laughs again, stopping himself.

I step closer and watch as his thumb rubs across the paper. “What?”

“This takes a lot of fucking balls,” he says, and kisses my cheek. “You should be proud of yourself.”

When I look at him again, there’s a note of seriousness in his eyes. I shrug. “It just came to me,” I try to say it without laughing.

He swipes me across the head with the comic, laughing again. “Fucker,” he snarls jokingly, then wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me to him. He smells hot and musky and it goes to my dick.

“Want a re-enactment?” I say before kissing him, cupping my hand over his cock in his shorts, feeling him firming under my touch.

He moans a little, then hesitates for just a second. I sense it and pull my hand away, opening my mouth to apologize, then stopping. Don’t want to make anything more than it is right now.

He steps away from me, and rubs his hands over his face, then looks at me again. “Fuck.”

“It’s okay, I should go, anyway,” I start to head for the door.

He grabs my hand. “I don’t want you to go. It’s just that...”

“Someone’s coming,” I smile at him to let him know I get it.

He nods. “If I had known...” he stops himself from saying anything further.

“Whatever,” I shrug and kiss him. “Tomorrow, then. If you don’t have any other plans.”

He shakes his head, but doesn’t let go of my hand.

I just smile at him. I’m surprised this doesn’t hurt anymore. I love him just as much, if not more, than I ever did. But this just doesn’t hurt... anymore.

I still feel... content.

I know that there will be a tomorrow, and a night after that. And a thousand, million more nights after that. I have my whole fucking life to live with him.

“Fuck it,” he says and pulls me into his arms. “We have two hours,” he whispers into my hair.

I struggle out of my jacket. “Well why the fuck didn’t you say so?” I say before yanking his tank top over his head. I finally get to taste him, touch my tongue to his chest and lap up the sweat trickling down his chest.

And... I feel... happy. So fucking happy.

We kiss and fondle and pull off clothes until we’re at the foot of the bed. I push him back on it, his cock, bush of dark hair teasing me. I lie down on my stomach, my face in his crotch.

“I think I can make use of two hours,” I touch my lips to his leaking dick and his fingers wind into my hair..

“Oh yeah?” his voice is throaty and rough.

“Just watch me,” I say and lap up a drop of pre-cum. I bury my face in his pubic hair and inhale deeply. Christ, he smells so good. I want that taste in my mouth and covering my face, sweaty and dark, warm and musky.

Two fucking hours... of this. I smile and kiss the insides of his thighs. I’ll make sure that I’m the only thought in his head, no matter who else he fucks tonight. Make sure that I’m always there, with him.

And that he knows that I’m happy, so satisfied, with him, with us.

I look up at him and our eyes meet. He’s staring at me with a smile on his face—like I said, it’s all he does these days. I smile back and make the most of our time together.

BRIAN’S POV

I watch him walk out of the loft, big grin on his face. I believe him this time. He really does get it, I think.

The only thing is that... maybe I don’t want him to get it anymore. Maybe I...

Fuck, I’m just thinking like this because he just gave me the best fucking head of my whole goddamn life. And that’s saying a fucking lot. I mean, shit. I’ve had my dick sucked by some of the best... but that little twink...

I hope this trick can’t see my knees still shaking.

I stumble up the steps to the bed and watch as he takes his clothes off. I can’t remember his name, but then again, maybe I never knew it. I met him online, liked the size of his cock, so invited him over.

Wish I hadn’t, really.

But...

I go into the bathroom to take a piss, and stand in front of the mirror for a second... be honest. I look at my face, look at my eyes.

Be honest...

I pull off my jeans and grab a condom. Go back to the bedroom and see the guy lying on the bed, try not to look at the wet spot on the sheets where Justin’s leaking cock was, just a few minutes ago...

Try not to think about who I’d rather be fucking than this trick... whose cock isn’t nearly as big as he said it was...

Try not to think about... how... unsatisfying this has become... lately...

How fucking happy I’ve been... in the few weeks that Justin’s come back into my life...

Ah, fuck it.

I climb onto the bed, kneeling, and tell the trick to sit up on his hands and knees... I fuck him hard and fast... fuck him like all he is... a faceless... nameless... trick... for one night... I fuck him like I never fuck Justin... I fuck him anonymously... carelessly... mindlessly...

Don’t think about... how much better it would be to be fucking.... someone... else...

Cum... slide out of him... throw his clothes on the bed... walk to the bathroom...

“See ya,” I call as I turn on the water in the shower... stick my head out the doorway to make sure he’s dressing...

Looks a little stunned... shakes his head... pulls on his pants...

I stand in the bathroom out of his sight until I hear the loft door open and close and I know he’s gone... then step into the shower and let the water wash his smell off me...

Wash it away...

Erase that last adventure out of my head... go back to the one before... get out of the shower and lie back in bed...

And pick up the comic book, lying on the bedside table...

Smile...

Can’t help it...

He makes me smile.

He makes me content...

I close my eyes and dream of his lips on my cock again...

Imagine what we’ll do tomorrow night.

And every night after that.