I think I could kiss him forever. Fuck me... I think I'm... I'm...

I waited up for him. I can't believe I actually did that. I said no to countless faces at the bar... and sat at home... waiting... waiting... waiting... feeling... like... (come home come home come home I silently pleaded)...

And when he got here... I couldn't fucking wait one... more... second... pulled him into my arms... and now... he's here where I want... him... I want... him... I want him... want him... want... him... him...

His eyes flutter closed... he's tired... but fuck... Mikey's had him all night... he's mine mine mine... his fingers slide up my neck into my hair... Christ... don't stop... they slip to my face... and I want to hold him to me so tight... I missed him... but now... he's here... soft lips on mine... mouth always always always wanting me...

The fucking phone rings... snapping me out of the warm feeling I have holding him in my arms again... I look on the call display... fucking Michael. He wants to talk to Justin and I let him for about two seconds till I grab the phone and hang up. It's MY time now... not his... Justin questions me until I kiss him lightly on the lips... letting him know what's really important...

He relents and kisses me back... fuck... his lips... his mouth... I just to be here... with him... he's the only one I want to kiss now... that rule wasn't hard at all...

His fingers are on my back and he pulls me to him... lifting his head from the pillow to meet my mouth... as our lips press together and our tongues find each other... rolling around, touching, licking inside... oh fuck... everything about him just fucking turns me on... who knew who knew who knew...

His touch is so light... always skimming across my skin... my back, my arms, my face... always touching touching touching...

I give him a little nudge on his cheek with my nose... turn over... I wanna hold you to me...

He rolls over, pausing for a few last kisses... he grunts... I love it... he's never quiet... he's always moaning and humming and making these little noises... and I find myself answering him sometimes, moaning back... letting him know... letting him know...

I run my hand over his body as he turns, following the slope of his back... the soft skin of his arm... his shoulder...his fingers find my arm... squeezing me, just a little...

He sighs and curls his arm under the pillow beneath his head... little hums escaping his lips... I wanna fuck him, but first... I know it's late... but... I wanna make him feel so good... I waited so long tonight, I can wait a few minutes more... and he loves this loves this loves this...

I slide my tongue across his shoulder blades... then kiss him kiss him kiss him... my lips playing across his skin... he tells me it feels good... and I know I just have to make him feel even better... slipping down his back... dropping little kisses down his spine... he just keeps sighing and sighing... and I feel him relax beneath my fingers...

I pull down the band of his underwear... slipping my tongue into his crack and kissing him all over his ass... he tastes so fucking good... smells so fucking good... I just want to devour him... oh Christ... my dick is hard... hmmm...

I hear him sigh as I let my lips glide across his ass... and he's so relaxed... he's... he's...

What the fuck?!

I stop kissing him. Listen. Hear the unmistakable Justin snore.

Fuck.

I can't fucking believe it. Little fucker.

I let go of his underwear, hearing it snap back, half hoping it'll wake him up, but knowing that once he's gone... that's it for the night.

I roll off him, lying on my back. Holy fuck... I... sigh... fuck me.

Justin Taylor scores another fucking first. Falling asleep on Brian Kinney. Fuck that shit.

I wanna slap his ass so goddamn hard right now... but I don't. I wouldn't.

Shit.

What the fuck is the matter with me. The second... the goddamn fucking SECOND he shows interest in someone else... even if it is fuckin' Michael... I need him need him need him... fuck. I don't know what this is... what... I'm... feeling... and now that I can't have it, it's worse. Fucking worse. Shit. Goddammit I'm frustrated.

I glance over at him, the top of his round ass peeking out. Teasing me. Taunting me. Christ... I've got a fuckin' rock between my legs... and...  shit...

Fuck it.

I spread my legs and lift one knee... let my fingers slide down my chest... and... ah... yeah. Go back to what I've done since before this fucking kid was even born... hm...mmmmmmm... I can do this... without him... not nearly as fucking good... but... all I've fucking got at 4:00 in the fucking morning...

I lick my palm... then wrap my fingers around my cock... hmm... yeah... just like that... thumb sliding across the head... picking up the pre-cum... dip in the slit... oh... soft strokes at first... then... then... bit more... I tip my head back and suck in a deep breath... fuck... feels good... faster... yeah... yeah... mmm... need... to be... fucking...his... ass... but... can... do... by... myself... fuck... huh... huh... just miss... hmph... the... element... of... fuck... surprise... and... and...

"Hmmm... why'd you stop?" this little voice from the other side of the bed.

Shit! I feel like I've been caught, but it's only Justin. I've watched him jerk off countless times. Fuck, was almost there, but I stop and let go of my cock... breathe...

"Because you fucking fell asleep, you little shit," I say loudly, giving in to the urge to smack his ass by swatting him lightly.

He turns to me. "No I didn't," but he's not sure... I fucking know he did. Should I forgive him?  He spies my fucking huge hard-on, red and wet... ready to blow... he smiles...

"Were you jacking off?" he asks, a little laugh in his voice. He props himself up on one elbow and looks at me with a smile plastered across his face.

"Fuck you," I say, pushing him to the bed, and climbing on his back. I grab a condom... he moans again... pressing his head into the pillow...

"Do it," he whispers, his voice raw, hoarse and heavy with sleep.

I pull him onto his side and I slide the condom on my dick. Fuck, it almost hurts I'm so fuckin' close. But I know it'll be worth it.

He pushes his ass back onto me and I push my dick against his hole, then just slip in. *This* is what I've been waiting for all... fucking... night. He lets a slow moan out of his throat and it makes me feel warm all over to hear him like that... a funny little buzz in my stomach... I love pleasing him... love making him feel like this... with me inside...

He twists his head back to kiss me, and our lips touch... and don't stop... he wraps his fingers over mine as they press against his chest... and we start a slow fuck...

Feels so good... so familiar... and for the first time in my life... all I want is that familiarity... that knowing... that learning... how to please... how to make him suck in his breath... how to make him moan... when to stop when to push harder when when when... it's amazing... but at the same time... I don't like missing it... don't like wanting something that's not there. Never had that before. But Justin's always here... except tonight. Fuck... he says Mikey doesn't count, but it does for me when I'm waiting for him.

I'm not jealous. I know he'd never go for Mikey. Shit, Mikey would never let him anyway. I know he wouldn't. But it freaks me out in a sense... what if Mikey had spied Justin that first night... how would've life been different... for me for Justin for Mikey... maybe nothing would be different... maybe Justin would've gone home alone... stayed in the closet for the rest of the school year... went to the prom with Daphne... made out with her... then went on to college...

Maybe Michael would've taken Justin to his apartment... and not fucked him... and held him tight and talked to him and helped him learn who he was... Mikey... would've let Justin sleep on the couch and given him money to take a cab to school the next day... after feeding him Captain Crunch and toast with peanut butter and Emmett would've oohed and ahhed over this beautiful boy... and maybe I'd never have seen him... ever... and maybe I'd be fucking some nameless shit right now... and never... ever... learned that I could feel this way...

And maybe... things would be... just different... not better or worse... just different that's all...

His head slips to the pillow and our lips separate... but I don't want to lose touch... I put my mouth on his neck... breathing in his smell... that I love and know... and miss... when he's not here... and fuck... he's humming with every breath... matching every push in... every slow glide in and out of his hole... my fingers crossed tightly across his chest... and his fingers weave between mine... and we're so close so close so close...

This fucking kid... has turned my goddamn life upside down...  and I don't know... how it happened... don't fuckin' know... and if I did... know... this was going to happen that night... when I first saw him... would I have run away or... embraced it... (run away run away run away... but it's too late now...)

Christ... I even let him fuck me... not just once... and he thinks... well... I don't know what he thinks... because I can't talk about it... it's admitting something... I don't want to admit... but I can admit - to myself anyway - that I understand why he wanted to... why it was important... I mean... it's just fucking... just sex... but... when he fucks me... and holds me so tightly to him... pressing his body so close to mine... I just... fuck... I just feel so...  Christ... just... I don't know what it is... but I know I love it... and I want to give it back to him...

He squeezes my fingers and I push in him harder, holding myself there... right there... and his skin gets so fucking hot beneath mine... and I'm ready to cum at anytime... any any time... just want him...he pushes back on me harder... releases his fingers from between mine... takes my hand and puts it on his dick... and I slide up and down him... matching my thrusts in... with strokes... and... and... faster harder faster harder faster... though I never want to stop... and... and... he's... Christ... he's... hunh... cumming and I cum at the same time... and pull him so close to me I don't want to let go... oh... fuck... don't let go... don't let go...

I don't know when this happened. When I started caring... when I stopped not caring... when I fell... so hard. All I know is I've fallen... fallen... fallen... and I don't know that I ever want to get back up again.