"Fuck off," I push up out of my chair and grab my pack of cigarettes. He shouldn't fucking even *joke* about shit like that.

"Not exactly the response I was expecting," he says, and maybe I'm imagining it, but he sounds like he's serious.

I walk away from him and lean against the wide windowsill, staring out through the glass into the alleyway. Out of my window, into my alleyway. I've lived here on my own for six weeks now, and it's been long enough to know that I'd better hurry up and make some money soon because I'm starting to miss certain luxuries like ant-free cupboards and consistent hot water. And the bed is always so fucking cold here. And lonely.

"Justin," I hear him push his chair across the old wooden floor and take a couple steps closer to me.

I light a cigarette and suck back the smoke, holding it in my lungs as long as I can, then breathe out slowly. I don't turn around. "I'm done playing games, Brian."

"So am I," his response is quick and I know he didn't think before speaking and it almost lets me believe that he's telling the truth. I hear him shift behind me.

"Justin." He says my name more forcefully and I take another drag on my cigarette, exhaling against the glass before turning around to face him.

And I almost drop my cigarette.

He looks up at me from his place on the floor, one knee bent, like a scene from a ridiculous sappy movie, his hand reaching out for mine. "I'm serious," he says, but I can't be, not like this, and I start grinning despite myself and push at his shoulder.

"Get up! Don't be stupid," I laugh a little funny and stumble back against the window. He's being ridiculous and I don't want to joke. Can't joke. I stub my cigarette out in the ashtray on the windowsill.

He bunches up his eyebrows then sighs deeply and smoothes them out again. "Justin, I don't know how else to get through to you. Marry me. I want you to fucking marry me."

I hear the words again and I laugh nervously, anxiously... my stomach is in knots even considering the idea that he could be telling the truth. I put my hands over my face and rub at my eyes, my fingers shake and I try to hold them still. "Brian, quit saying that, I know you don't..."

He grabs me by the shoulders and I let my hands drop. See into his face, his eyes.

"You don't know what you think you do," he says. His eyes flick back and forth across my face and he gets this red flush high up on his cheeks. He swallows hard and through my t-shirt, I can feel his palms are warm and damp.

I blink and feel my eyes get itchy and it gets really hard to breathe. "Maybe you're right, maybe I don't," I shrug my shoulders and don't stop looking at him, hazel eyes and soft hair hanging in his face. "So tell me."

He drops his head and squeezes my shoulders in his grip, painfully hard, and sucks in a deep breath. His mouth opens to speak, but he doesn't say anything, just slowly shakes his head back and forth.

"Tell me, Brian," I barely get the words out, my throat is constricted and tight and I have this lump... but I have to ask him. I want to hear it. I need to know.

He pushes me back against the windowpane and presses his body to mine, leaning against me, still squeezing my shoulders hard, rubbing his thumbs back and forth across my collarbone. I feel a tear slip down my cheek that I didn't even know was threatening to fall.

He looks up at me surprised when he sees it, and touches his lips to my face, taking the tear away with his tongue. "Don't," he whispers against my cheek, and slides his hands up to cup my face, hold me tight and warm against him. I slide my arms around his waist and we stand there for moments, foreheads pressed together. I don't want to shed any more tears over this and I swallow hard a few times to clear my throat.

"Justin," he finally breaks the silence and I close my eyes, take in his familiar smell, familiar touch, like it hasn't been over a month since we've been this close. "I never knew what this was... and I tried to ignore it, to get over it, to pretend it wasn't there..." he swallows hard and goes on.

"But now I know what it is. I know I love you, I know this is love. I can't explain it or say anything more than that," he pulls his face from mine and looks at me. "I love you. So let me know you love me back."

It's ridiculous he should say that because he's always known I've loved him. But I think that maybe even though I've always thought I've loved him... the way I feel now... I can't even explain it. It's love on a completely different level.

"You really wanna marry me?" I look up into his face and he sucks his lip into his mouth and nods.

"I really wanna marry you," he says it and smiles at me. His eyes aren't dry either.

"It's for real, you know," I say it softly. "I mean, if we do this, I'm not going to do all that shit like my parents and get divorced and... I mean, it's like a commitment, and, and, it's not screwing around anymore and it's... like just you and me, you know?" I'm rambling, going on like a fool, but I can't help it. "It's for always... you and me... for always."

He smiles at me and nods slowly. "You and me. For always," he pulls my face to his and kisses me softly and I try to breathe even though my heart is fluttering in my chest and my mind is racing a thousand miles a minute and I think about how I never ever thought I would get married and now all of this, all of it's being offered to me.

My entire life just changed.

I break our kiss and hug him hard, feel his hands drop to my shoulders and press me to him. He's shaking a little, I can feel it through his clothes and all I can think is how much it means that he did this. That he actually fucking said this and I believe it and ohmygod, I'm getting married.

"So what do you say?" his voice is muffled against my shoulder.

"I say we better make sure Em is free, because we're gonna need a fucking awesome wedding planner," I laugh into his chest and he starts laughing too and I feel elated and dizzy and we kiss hard and I'm crying, I can't believe I'm crying, but I am, stupid tears down my cheeks, but it's like everything I ever fucking wanted in my whole life is here. It's not just the marriage part, that's secondary. It's the fact that he *wants* to marry me, the fact that he's ready to stand up there in front of everyone we know and to tell them that yes, Brian Kinney will take Justin Taylor in sickness and in health and everything else. It's what all of this means.

I know I'm gonna wake up any second now, because this is a dream. But then I know it can't be a dream because even in my dreams I wouldn't have ever imagined this could happen.

"We're getting married, Brian," I say it out loud and it sounds insane, crazy. "Married!" I wanna suddenly yell it out the window but then want to keep it private and ours too. Just for a little bit. Just for now.

He smiles and laughs and wipes at his face with his sleeve and holds my hands in his and we stand across from each other and grin like idiots.

"And of course I love you," I say quietly. "You should always know that, Brian," I pull him to my small bed and we fall down on to it together, wrapping up in each other's arms. "I've always loved you."

He presses his forehead to my cheek and kisses my neck slowly. "I've always loved you too," he whispers against my skin so softly I almost don't hear it. But I do hear it, because I think I've always known it, deep in my heart. I've felt it. Known he's always loved me.

And now we'll be sharing our life together, succeeding and failing and growing and learning and getting older and wiser and building something entirely new. Together. More than best friends, more than lovers, but partners.

Partners.

For real...

For always.