JUSTIN’S POV

I love sucking Brian’s cock.

In bed... in the car... in the backroom...

I don’t fucking care where it is... I love his dick down my throat... love feeling his hands pulling at my hair... fingers stroking my neck... palms following my head as I go down on him... again... and again... and again...

And he loves me sucking his cock... that’s easy to tell...

He gasps... trying to hold back moans... trying to hold back whimpers... but his throat betrays him and lets out this gust of air... that he sucks back into his lungs... then releases again... till he’s panting...

His knees go weak... I know that because he holds onto me... tries to keep his balance when I can feel he’s ready to fall down... squeezes his fingers on my shoulders... his thighs quivering on either side of my face... his muscles tensing under my hands... his feet struggling to hold ground...

And when he’s so close to cumming... he holds back a little... won’t fuck my face like I want him to... won’t guide his dick down my throat... so I always do it for him... open my mouth wide and take all of him inside me... feel him bump up against the back of my throat... and I swallow around him and feel him slide down against the soft tissue... I control my breathing... get past the gag... get past the cough... just hold him inside me... move my throat around him... feel his pubes tickle my nose... his balls touch my chin... he pulls in these short gasps of air... loving it...

And then he shoots... I feel the first shot go right inside me... and I slowly pull him out of my throat... so I can keep his cum in my mouth... fuck, I love the way he tastes... I roll the warm liquid around on my tongue... feel it on my lips... coating the inside of my cheeks...

Sometimes I hold some on my tongue... and kiss him with it still inside me... I let it spill from my mouth to his... let him taste how good he is... let him... drink it up... with me...

It was that night... after finding all our favorite places to fuck closed down... after being fucking harassed by that ignorant cop... that we finally gave up... gave up looking for somewhere new to fuck... and I pushed him back against the brick wall of the alley... he laughed... I kissed him hard... pinning his wrists to the cold wall with my palms... driving my tongue into his mouth over and over... pressing my whole body against his... feeling his dick get hard against mine...

I let go of his wrists and slid down his body... quickly opened his pants and wrapped my lips around his dick... no foreplay, no fooling around... just give me what I want right now...

He hummed in approval... guiding his hands in my hair... sliding down the brick wall a little... I buried my face in his pubic hair... drowning in his scent... remembering it... loving it... feeling my own dick get harder... as I fed his cock into my mouth... moving up and down and up and down on him... my lips pressing softly then harder around his shaft... tongue caressing his dick... taking so much pleasure... in pleasuring him...

Then I knew he was going to cum... and I felt the first shot down my throat... then I pulled back... and let it fill my mouth... I held my lips tightly over his cock as it slipped from my tongue... and climbed up his body... ready to share with him...

And then I saw that fucking poster. That... fucking homophobic asshole caught my eye... staring at me... like he was fucking judging me... and on impulse... I spit Brian’s cum all over the printed face of Jim Stockwell.

“That’s for the boys at the precinct, Jim,” I said out loud.

Brian laughed... surprised at my boldness, I think... then pulled me in for a kiss... chuckling under his breath...

He took me back to the loft that night... and fucked me senseless... till the last goddamn thing on my mind was some homophobic cop.

I didn’t think about Stockwell again until the next day, after work... I saw those posters and thought about fucking jerking off in front of them... cumming on all of them... defacing every single one...

And then I got the idea. I tore down one of the posters... scanned it in to my computer, and started playing around. Yeah, it was kind of crude what I did, but it was also pretty cool, I think... and it made me feel good. And proud.

As soon as I could after that, I waited late at work, making up some excuse about filing, and then snuck into the copier room and made a bunch of copies and shoved them in my bag.

Brian and I went out to Babylon the next night, but I pulled away when he started a threesome... had to go... wasn’t in the mood for playing... instead I had much more important things to do...

I went back to me and Daph’s and grabbed my bag full of posters, and put on my jacket and my warmest hat and headed out... I bought some poster glue at the 24-hour hardware store and set about plastering my artwork all over town.

Fuck, it made me feel good. It was like my own little act of defiance against all those fucking assholes that let Chris Hobbes get away with bashing me. Let him get away with fucking up my life forever.

Proving to them... you can’t keep me down... you can’t keep us down... we won’t ever be kept silent...

The next morning when I heard everyone’s reaction to it... Deb’s raving and Lindsay’s artistic commentary... I knew the message had gotten across. Knew I had been heard... even though nobody knew it was my voice they were listening to.

And I planned the next one.

Brian eyed me though... I was sure he suspected me... it’s been proven over and over that I’m not a very good liar... and I knew I’d have to be careful. But you know what? I didn’t really care if he found out. I wasn’t going to hide anything from him, and I wanted him to know that. But I also wasn’t about to sign my name at the bottom either. I’m smart enough to know that fucking over one of your company’s biggest clients isn’t the best way to ensure you get a good review at the end of your internship.

But this is important.

Later on that morning, when I was helping Brian set up for a client presentation, he asked me to go out for dinner... I smiled... careful not to let my imagination run wild and believe he was asking me on a “date”... I mean, holy shit, could you imagine that... but I knew I needed to keep going in my campaign against Stockwell.

I told Brian I’d love to go out with him for dinner, but not tonight... hated to tell him I was busy.... hated to think about how many times I’d said that to him when I was fucking Ethan behind his back... but...

Things are different now.

Brian kind of asked me what was going on, and I know as hard as I was trying not to be reminded of Ethan, he was trying even harder... but fortunately Cynthia came in at that second, followed closely by the fucking prick Stockwell himself.

Christ, you could almost see the fucking steam pouring out his ears as he gripped the morning paper between his fist. Brian flipped to business mode and tried to get him to go to his office, but Jim was ready to nail Brian or anybody to the wall, right then.

I couldn’t believe it... my posters had made it to the paper? Christ! I never dreamt that a little idea I had could possibly become something so big. I felt even more proud... felt redeemed... felt fucking good. I had to bite the inside of my cheek to stop from smiling.

It was at that second that Stockwell turned his gaze on me, and both of them suddenly realized they weren’t alone in the room. Ha... ha... you fucker... I wanted to say to him. But I feigned innocence and kept a straight face... not breaking his stare.

Brian asked me to leave and I did... shutting the door behind me... I went to the lunchroom and picked up the paper... scanning the article. And I let my smile out... even started laughing.

Shit... this was amazing. And I knew I was right, and I knew I had to continue.

I crafted the next one in a couple of days, then stayed late again at Vanguard, copying the posters. Okay, I know it was stupid, and I know I was really violating a whole bunch of rules about using company equipment for personal business... but it was past 9:00 and I figured it would be just me and the cleaning staff at that time.

Shoulda known that Brian would be there.

Shoulda known how strongly he suspected me.

Shoulda known all that, and probably I did, but didn’t really fucking care.

And of course Brian found me... I thought he’d be... well, pissed, okay... but... I didn’t expect him to shut me down like he did.

I guess I really hoped that he’d be proud of me. He’d see that I was doing something that was important... he’d understand why it was important for me to do this. I tried to joke with him... but... instead he wrapped up my posters and told me to cut it out.

I argued with him that I couldn’t stop... that I had to do this... that it was not only important because of what happened to me, but because of everyone... the entire community. I even spouted back his own fucking words to him, hoping I’d get through.

But he cut me off, yelling at me... and I really tried not to hear him... knew that... he was pissed off at whole bunch of other things than just me... but... when he said I wasn’t just fucking with him, but his business...

That fucking blond boy ass comment came seeping back into my brain. Made me wanna puke for a second till I took a deep breath and walked out of there. Knew if I stayed another minute, I’d say something I didn’t mean, and Brian would say something that maybe he did mean. And I didn’t want to hear it.

So I grabbed my jacket and took the few posters I was able to copy and pulled out the emergency credit card my mom gave me. I know she would think this was a worthy cause. And I headed to the nearest copy shop and did it myself.

Don’t care what Brian says. I’m not a pushover and I’m not scared of what he thinks of me anymore.

He needs to realize that I remember the things he says to me.... I remember him calling me a piece of blond boy ass, I remember him telling me that he wants me to be the best homosexual I can be, and I also remember him telling me to have some balls.

And I have.

I’m not the little boy he picked up on Liberty Avenue anymore. Not some doe-eyed teenager following after him... begging for attention... wanting him to say things and do things that just aren’t him...

I respect him for who he is... fuck, I love him for who he is... and no matter what he fucking thinks of me right this second... I know that he loves and respects me for who I am as well. Whether or not I piss him off for doing the things I need to do. He knows it as well as I know it.

And anyway... what goes on at the office... has nothing to do with what goes on in our bedroom. I can separate those two things very well—another great lesson from Brian Kinney.

I finish copying my posters quietly in the corner of the shop where no one can see what I’m doing, and head home to get my woolen hat and can of glue.

BRIAN’S POV

I’ve never... ever... regretted being who I am. Not for one... fucking... second.

And while you’ll never catch me waving a fucking Pride flag... I am proud. Proud of who I am... of what I’ve accomplished... of the man I’ve become, despite every fucking obstacle God or whoever the fuck could throw my way.

I’ve never hid or lied who I am either. Never pretended to be someone I’m not. Maybe there’ve been a few things... yeah, okay, I went along with Lindsay’s little straight man ploy to get Gus into that fucking school... but... that wasn’t about me... not really.

And whenever I think... someone might actually make an issue out of it... I remind them that it’s none of their goddamn business.

I said it to Gardner Vance... and risked a job.

I said it to Jim Stockwell... and risked the biggest fucking account of my career.

Course... it didn’t help me with Stockwell and he canned me anyway. Fucking bastard. But... I was determined. And when I saw my opportunity to get back in there with him... I took it. It seemed the right thing to do at the time... it seemed... like it would be okay... at... the... time...

But... somehow... now...

Doesn’t feel right.

I mean fuck... don’t get me wrong. I don’t give a flying fuck about the “community” or any of that shit. You won’t catch me waving flags or protesting or screaming or stomping my feet up and down to get attention. If it makes you happy to do it... then go right ahead. I believe in your right to protest. As long as you believe in my right not to.

And at the end of the day... my maneuver got me the account back... and Jim's trust. I got everything I wanted.

But...

But...

Somehow now I feel... “token”... you know? Like all of a sudden I went from Brian Kinney, partner at one of the biggest advertising agencies in Pittsburgh, winner of three advertising awards, one of the most sought after reps in town... to...

Brian Kinney... token queer.

And that’s not who I am. I am not who I fuck.

I tried to ignore it... tried not to let it piss me off... but then it ate at me and ate at me... and... I knew I was totally fucking screwed when I found Justin copying those posters... and I yelled at him. Fucking took all my anger out on him—completely, and totally, the wrong person.

Christ. How pathetic. I felt panicked. Like I was being pulled into some vortex that I couldn’t stop. Couldn’t pull myself out of.

Fuck... fuck... fuck...

This is not how this was supposed to work.

Shit.

I try to put on a front and act like I couldn’t give a shit that all my favourite places are closed down. No more late nights at the baths... no more strip shows... no more fucking in the basement clubs...

Try to pretend that none of matters... that my life is being affected by this...

But...

Fuck...

This? Closing the backroom at Babylon? The fucking backroom?

This beats everything. Fucking everything.

Last straw. I turn my back on the “closed” sign and fucking padlock on the door and take one last look around Babylon for Justin, but I know he’s not here... know damn well that he’s out putting up more posters tonight... I grab my jacket from the coat check, ignoring the twink at the door, asking me why I’m leaving so soon...

Figure it out, kid...

Head out into the night... the air clean and crisp... and it makes everything seem so fucking clear to me right now.

JUSTIN’S POV

I press the first new poster up to the wall and smile... it’s good... fucking good.

But I can’t afford to stand around here and admire my work... I’ve got a lot of walls to cover tonight.

I dip the brush into the pail of glue and paint over my last posters to put the new ones on top. Hate to cover up the old ones, but I’m making a point here.

Just as I turn to put the brush back down, I feel this grip on my arm like a fucking vice... my heart jumps into my throat for a second and I suck in a shot of the cold night air... I hear blood rushing around my ears, and it doesn’t stop even when I realize that it’s Brian who grabbed me...

Fuck... he should know better than to come at me like that...

I start to struggle, but he holds my arm steady and something tells me to just stop... I’m ready to push him away though... I’ll fucking fight for my right to do this... he can’t stop me from doing what I think is right... he oughta know that by now...

But instead... he’s got this look on his face... a look of... determination, I guess... and... instead of tearing the brush out of my hands and taking away my posters... he kisses me... I fall into the kiss for a moment... but never let go of the brush in my hand...

He can kiss me... he can yell at me... but he can’t stop me...

But... he doesn’t try to stop me. Instead he breaks from our kiss and stares at me hard... I don’t know if he’s disappointed in me or what... he grabs one of my posters out of my bag and at first I think he’s going to tear it in half...

I imagine he’s pretty pissed at me... but that kiss... fuck... that kiss said something else...

He stares at the poster for a second... then... presses it to the wall on the drying glue... flattens it out... and takes a step back... staring at it...

“Where else are we putting these tonight?” he says and picks up my can of glue... he wraps his arm around my neck, pulling me along with him.

I stumble into his grip then fall into step beside him...

“What are you doing?” the words tumble out of my mouth...

He shrugs and gives me one of his shit-eating grins.

“Helping,” that’s all he says... and keeps smiling.

Fuck... he never... ever... ceases to surprise me.

BRIAN’S POV

I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking, but... seeing Justin out there in the freezing cold, plastering these posters he’d made all over Liberty Avenue...

He... he just made me want to help. He made it... fucking easy again... for me to listen to him... to realize that he might just have the right idea.

When I kissed him... I knew it was right. I knew I couldn’t fight what should be done. I knew I couldn’t deny... what I was really feeling... really thinking... couldn’t push down the fucking puke in my throat as another and another and another of our places was closed... businesses shut down... people’s lives getting fucked up...

Reduced to fucking in an alley... that’s not right. Not fucking right at all.

I couldn’t take this fucker lying down... with my pants around my ankles. Fuck no. Let him think he’s won? Never.

We worked in silence, me painting on the glue and Justin flattening the posters to walls all over Liberty. He didn’t have that many because he’d had to pay for most of them... I offered going to a copy shop to make more, but he just grinned at me and said he thought we’d done enough for the night...

Little look... smile on his lips he’s trying to hold back...

I return his gaze... and let the smile cross my face...

“Come on...” I grab his hand and we head back to the parking lot behind Babylon where I’ve parked the car. “Let’s go home.”

We get back to the loft and he strips off his jacket and hat, and I can see his fingers are red with cold... he’s shivering a little... I pull off my clothes and leave them in a pile on the floor...

He smiles at me from across the loft... pulls his shirt over his head and unbuttons his pants... walking towards me cautiously...

“What?” I ask him, holding my arms out to my sides... naked... in all my glory...

He shakes his head and looks down at the floor... holding his arms across his chest to warm himself...

“You’re full of surprises tonight,” he says, and steps closer...

I lunge at him and pull him into my arms. “Am I?”

He nods a little, laughing quietly and lets himself fall into my embrace.

“You’re fucking freezing,” I say, his cold fingers touching my arm.

He nods... sticking his fingers under his armpits to warm them.

“C’mon,” I grab one of his cold hands and pull him into the bathroom... I turn on the water in the shower... not too hot, but warm enough to feel good...

We step into the shower and I pull him under the water... watching it cascade over his shoulders and down his chest... seeing the goosebumps disappear from his arms... he tips his head back under the spray... closing his eyes... a small smile crossing his lips...

“Feels good...” he says... running his hands down his torso... then back up again... touching his nipples...

I pull his fingers away from his chest and plant my mouth on his tit... sucking on it... his fingers touch the back of my neck and hold me to him... I feel him breathing beneath my lips... his chest rising and falling... my tongue plays with the hard nub of his nipple... my hands slide down his back and I fall to my knees in front of him... his cock erect in my face... water clinging to his blond pubes...

My lips touch his dick and he gasps a little...

“Feels better...” he says... sounding almost drunk... his fingers weave into my hair... pulling at the short tufts...

My palms run over the round curves of his ass... letting the tips of my fingers slide between his cheeks... I kiss his cock again... then take the head inside my mouth... sucking a little, flicking my tongue over his slit... I hear him moan my name over the water raining down around us...

Then more... and more... and more... and I pull all of him inside my mouth and work on his dick with my tongue and lips... more pressure then less... harder then softer... fast fast fast... then slowing down... his knees quake at my side... his fingers pull at my hair almost painfully hard...

His stomach starts contracting... I feel his muscles working in his whole body... hear him pulling in breaths faster and faster... his fingers are on my shoulders suddenly... squeezing me tightly... like trying to regain his balance... I push him closer to me... my palms still flat on his ass... push, then let go... push, then let go... till he’s fucking my face... hips bucking into me... I open my throat and let him slide deep inside...

He folds over me... hand on the back of my head... holding me to him... and I feel his dick twitch in my mouth and then warm cum shooting inside me... I hum around his dick in my mouth and he lets out a yelp... a swear... then a long sigh......... he relaxes everywhere... lets a laugh escape his lips... his fingers drop from my shoulder... my neck... I slide him out of my mouth slowly... swallowing his cum... feeling it glide down my throat... tasting him in my mouth...

I pant a little... hot and horny as hell... the little taste I had of him... always makes me want more and more...

I get to my feet shakily. “Warmed up now?”  I breathe into his ear and he laughs a little...

“Getting there...” he responds... and turns around... pressing himself up against the glass... his ass an open invitation... I run kisses across his shoulders... he reaches behind me and puts his hands on my hips... pushing me towards him...

I grab a condom and slide it on... then ease into him slowly... loving the way he takes me inside... he twists his head to mine and we kiss... I pull him back with me under the water... want him to stay warm... let him rest all his weight against my chest as we slowly fuck...

I lean back against the glass behind me... steadying myself as I drive my cock further inside him... intensifying our fuck... his body relaxes into mine... letting me guide him... letting me take him...

He trusts me that I won’t let him fall... trusts me that I’d never hurt him... trusts me completely... and openly...

I love that... one of the thousand things that makes me want to fuck him more than once... more than a million times... longer than forever...

Steam clouds up in the air... our breath swirling it around our heads... I lift him to his toes then back down again... water suctioning our bodies together... his wet hair flowing onto my shoulder...

Water runs down his chest... my fingers glide across his skin... down his stomach... take his hard cock in my hand and slowly stroke him...

We move together... a steady rhythm of pleasure coursing from my body to his and back again... a familiarity and trust binding us more closely than I ever imagined... a feeling of awareness and closeness... that I’ve come to cherish so much... now that he’s back in my arms again...

Slowly moving towards climax... he guides me there... letting go first... cum... spurting out his dick and hitting the opposite wall... feel it warm on my fingers... then wash away with the water... I follow his climax with my own... lifting him up off his feet... hear him gasp as my cock buries so deep inside him... arching his back... water splashing off his chest and hitting us both in the face... spraying us with warmth... I hold him back on me... the rolling waves of my orgasm diminishing... but still feeling the hardness of my cock inside him... the tightness of his hole clinging to me...

I lower him to the tile floor... and loosen my grip around his chest... he moves forward... my dick sliding from his ass... he turns around... and kisses me... pulling me under the water with him... it showers down around us... cleansing us... warming us...

We reluctantly part and I turn off the water... the silence suddenly shocking... the comfort of the pitter-patter sound of rain now gone...

We dry off and crawl into bed... both lying on our backs on top of the sheets... cooling off our skin overheated from the hot water and exertion...

I look over at him, but he’s staring up at the ceiling. A siren wails past on the streets below then we’re back into the deep silence of the loft.

“Why did you help me tonight...” he asks suddenly... his voice echoing into the darkness.

I don’t know how to answer.... I don’t really know why I did it... why it felt right... why...

I roll onto my side and he curls up into my arms, pulling a sheet over top of us as the cool air starts to nip at our naked bodies.

“Just trying to be the best homosexual I can be,” I whisper into his damp hair.

Funny how that started out being something I thought I could teach him...

And now look how much he’s taught me.