"God... I love his voice," Michael moaned, closing his eyes, letting the music wash over him.

"Mmmmmm...." Brian just let out a heavy sigh. "So far, this tape is fucking great."

Michael and Brian lay on Michael's small bed, heads resting on the single pillow, as they listened to the new Smiths tape that Brian's friend had mixed for him.

It was late spring 1989. Brian and Michael were both 17... getting ready to leave the days of high school behind, and head into whatever lay next.

As they listened to the music, Michael's hand rested lightly on his crotch... the pressure feeling nice... sometimes listening to The Smiths and in particular, Morrissey's voice, turned him on so badly. He thought maybe it was some of the memories of the music... some of the things he'd done while listening to this song or that one... it defined so much of his teenage years... and his time with Brian.

"I can't believe we're going to see him - in person - tonight," Michael said, eyes still closed as the last strains of "Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me" faded away.... No hope, no harm, just another false alarm...

"Brian, thank you so much for the ticket... it's the best birthday present ever," Michael turned to look at his friend, lying beside him.

"You're welcome Mikey... I know you couldn't have gone otherwise - and I couldn't let you miss our gay hero in concert," Brian smiled, his eyes still closed, knowing that Michael's gaze was on him. "God, I get so turned on..." Brian undid the top button of his jeans, and slid his hand into the loose material, starting to stroke his cock slowly.

Michael quickly turned away, feeling as though Brian had just read his mind. He wanted to look at Brian... wanted to watch him... wanted to touch him - Michael stopped that train of thought. He couldn't. Brian was his best friend, and you just didn't do things like that with your friends - not if you wanted to keep them for very long, anyway.

Michael and Brian had only been truly open with each other about their sexuality for the last year or so, but each knew how the other had felt since the first day they met. Michael figured that's why someone so cool, so good looking, so hot as Brian would want to hang around with him, instead of the other cool guys at school, who talked about eating pussy and tits and shit like that.

Michael knew about Brian, and Brian knew about Michael. Even after that day when they were 14, with his mom's beauty mag and all the talk of Patrick Swayze... then Brian had started to... Michael was getting a hard on now thinking about it... but even after that day, they'd not really talked about it until a year or so later, when Brian really started to have experiences, and wanted to share them - at least verbally - with Michael.

Even at 15, Brian wasn't afraid to go out there and try everything. He'd somehow managed to get himself into Babylon, a year or two before Michael would ever step foot in the place with him. He'd learned things in the backroom that Michael couldn't even imagine were possible. Brian had sucked off the gym teacher... and Michael didn't even know about it until months later when the teacher suddenly changed schools. Brian explored his sexuality in full force, before Michael had even had his first blowjob from a man.

Brian had kept that part of his life secret from Michael for a little while, knowing that Michael just wasn't ready yet. But when Michael was ready... he was smart. He thought with his head first, and not his crotch. And despite Brian's stories, descriptions, and explanations... Michael he knew he couldn't ask for a demonstration. Although he knew that Brian would've done it. He would've fucked Michael and showed him everything he learned... he would've shared all his experiences with Michael, watching as his friend sunk deeper and deeper into his true feelings... into his homosexuality.

But things would've changed. They had to. Michael loved Brian. And he didn't want to lose him... ever. If Brian could find these things out on his own, so could Michael.

Now at 17, Michael and Brian shared conquests, talked about the boys and men they fucked and were fucked by, without a hint of jealousy or feeling of possession over the other. If Brian ever gave himself to him, Michael knew that he couldn't stand to hear of Brian with another person again. Once he tasted how good he knew Brian would be, he'd want him all to himself.

He and Brian teased each other all the time, playing and hugging and sometimes even kissing. They told each other new things they'd discovered, new heights of pleasure for themselves and their partners. They watched each other masturbate, they slept together, wrapped in each others arms, and they sometimes touched... but never crossed the line between friends and fucking. Never.

So after nearly four years of friendship, the two had shared many, many experiences, except the one... the one thing that Michael knew he truly wanted more than anything else, and would never, ever have. But they had so much more, Michael knew. And that was why it was worth his unrequited feelings. He could handle the sexual pining for Brian, but knew he could never take being away from him, from the enormous presence that Brian commanded. Brian's confidence, sexuality, humor, protection, caring... and Brian's needing. Michael knew that Brian needed him in a way that no one else could fulfill. Michael knew too much, had seen too much, and understood too much about Brian's life for anyone else to take that role. He'd picked Brian up when he'd made a mistake, he'd held him when the world was cruel, and he'd bandaged his wounds when his father had attacked. He'd seen through Brian and knew when to talk, when to listen, and when he needed silence.

When Brian was like this, how he was right now, lying beside Michael, stroking himself, eyes closed, his hair falling into his face, Michael just wanted to be near him. Because even though Brian would never fuck him, Michael would always be a part of him, close to him, and be his best friend.

Just watching Brian, and thinking about their past together made Michael so hard. He pressed harder with the hand resting on his crotch, then followed Brian's lead, undoing the buttons on his jeans and pushing his hand down into the cloth to lightly rub his own cock. Their favorite Smiths song, "How Soon is Now", blared out from the speakers, and both boys let out a sigh, a moan at how appropriate it was, at how fucking hot they were... how good their hands felt... You shut your mouth... how can you say... I go about things the wrong way... I am human and I need to be loved... just like everybody else does...

Brian massaged his cock, pumping it faster and faster... pulling it out from his jeans... listening to the music, letting it pull him in. Brian pushed his t-shirt up his chest, rubbing his stomach, touching his nipples... his eyes squeezed together tightly at the building sensation in his groin, his mouth open, gasping for air as he pleasured himself... he heard Michael's heavy breaths beside him and knew he was doing the same thing... a smile came to his face and in that moment the orgasm spiraled down his spine and into his toes and he burst forth with a loud intake of air - the song climaxed, his hips pushed off the bed, and he came into the air, catching the cum in his hand as it spilled onto his stomach.

Michael, lost in his own sensation, pulled on his cock harder... when he heard Brian climax he glanced over - the look on Brian's face divine - a slight smile, mouth open, eyes tight, brow creased, hair all over... Michael caught himself as he started to cum heavily, the orgasm creeping up on him from nowhere, unexpected and intense.

The song over, the next began... "Still Ill"... Does the body rule the mind... or does the mind rule the body... I dunno...

Brian and Michael lay together on the bed spent, their hands sticky with cum, cocks both wilting and released from their pants. Michael passed him some tissue from beside the bed, and they cleaned up. Doing up his pants, Brian picked his jacket up off the floor, and pulled out a bag with some tablets in it. Michael lay back on the pillow, watching Brian, knowing what he was going to do, and just waiting for it.

Brian took one of the tablets from the bag and placed it on his tongue. He slid around on the bed, and straddled Michael, leaning over him seductively. He looked in his eyes a moment, then bent and kissed Michael softly at first, then more forcefully. Michael opened his mouth and let Brian's tongue push in, leaving the tablet of Ecstasy in Michael's mouth. Brian rolled off Michael on to the space on the bed beside him, and put another tablet in his mouth, but this one to stay.

They stayed in silence, letting the drug dissolve in their mouths, and just enjoying the music. As the clock ticked closer to eight, Michael slipped off the bed to go to the bathroom to get ready to go. He put a bit more gel in his dark hair, urging it to spike more, but not too much. He pulled his favorite Smiths t-shirt on, black with the cover of "The Queen is Dead" on it. A bit too tight, but showed off his assets. He had on his favorite black jeans, and his old Doc Marten boots. Michael thought he looked okay - not as good as Brian, but God, who ever could look that good?

When he came back to his room, Brian was standing, waiting for him. Tight black pants, combat boots, tank top under his leather jacket... Brian looked too good to be true. Michael was so glad they were going to the concert together. Maybe they weren't a couple, but they were with each other, and that was enough.

The concert was general admission, so they just joined the throng of people waiting by the stage. "God Brian, look at this place," Michael gawked at the crowd. "I've never seen so many hot gay men in my life - outside of Babylon, that is."

"Know what you mean," Brian smiled as he looked around, trying to figure out who he wanted to have first, the effects of the E coursing through him. The opening act came and went, and in that time Brian took two boys to the bathroom, once to have his dick sucked, the other to fuck him. Michael hooked up with one guy, but it only led to serious kissing and some very heavy petting. Michael jerked him off quickly in the concourse, but once it was over the guy left.

When the main act was announced, Brian was back at Michael's side, higher than a kite, and smiling from ear to ear. He grabbed Michael from behind, pulling him close, the anticipation of seeing one of their favorite bands in concert growing in both of them.

Morrissey took to the stage, and Michael held his breath... it was amazing. To hear the songs they loved played live... Brian held Michael, swaying with the music together, as they watched Morrissey weave his way across the stage singing, Michael felt, just for them. Soon the concert seemed almost over, and only a few songs were left in the set.

Finally as "How Soon is Now" came on, Brian released his grip from Michael, and took his hand, leading him through the crowd, pushing others aside to get to the stage. Brian looked up at Morrissey, so close, Michael was sure their eyes met. In one swift movement, Brian pulled himself up to the stage, and gently wrapped his arms around his idol, hugging him from behind, as he held Michael only moments before. Michael stood at the base of the stage, watching as Morrissey put his hand over Brian's arm, holding him close, leaning back into Brian's tall frame... singing the words they knew so well. There's a club if you'd like to go... you could meet somebody who really loves you... so you go and you stand on your own... and you leave on your own... and you go home and you cry and you want to die...

As the line finished, Brian knew that he shouldn't push his luck too far, and that security would take him off the stage any second now. He gave Morrissey a quick squeeze then released his grip and leapt back to the floor beside Michael. Morrissey looked down at Brian on the floor, and smiled at him. Another young man followed Brian's lead and jumped to the stage to hug Morrissey, quickly jumping down again. Another, and another, and another came to the stage, touching the singer, then leaving the stage.

Michael just stared at Brian. "I can't believe you did that," he laughed at Brian, at bit jealous of his cockiness and confidence. Brian hugged Michael tightly. "Why don't you go?"

"Oh no, I couldn't - I just couldn't," Michael held onto Brian, the effects of the E washing over him. "Besides, I don't need anything more than this." Brian kissed Michael on the forehead, and they held each other for the last two songs of the concert.

When it was regretfully over, Brian took Michael's hand and pulled him through the mass of people still on the concert floor, talking about the concert they'd just witnessed. Once outside, they sucked in the fresh air, their ears ringing, the effects of the drug subsiding... still, neither Brian or Michael were conscious that they held hands, it just seemed so natural, to be touching, and wanting to be near one another after their amazing experience. Michael knew Brian liked the reassurance of touch sometimes, and Michael just loved to be touched himself.

As they started the walk towards the subway station, a number of people also headed in that direction. Young men mostly - also touching, holding hands, arms around others shoulders... it was a nice feeling to be outside, and part of a group like this. Kind of like at the Gay Pride Parade that Brian and Michael went to last year.

Lost in each other, talking about the concert, Michael was totally unaware when the rock came flying from out of nowhere and struck him in the back of the neck. Then another came and hit Brian in the chest. "Fucking fags!" The abusive words echoed in the dark night as two guys hung out of the side of their car, pelting rocks at the small group of men leaving the concert.

Brian instinctively put his arm around Michael in an effort to protect him, but the car sped off. "Assholes!" Brian screamed back to the headlights that drew away from them. His attention turned immediately to Michael. "Are you okay?" he asked, taking Michael's face in his hands. "Did you get hit?"

Michael suddenly wanted to be away from Brian - didn't want him touching him anymore, not in public anyway. "Yes, I'm fine," he rubbed the back of his neck to see if there was any bleeding, then put his hand in Brian's face to show there was no blood. "See?" He stepped back from Brian, hoping he'd get the hint. He did, and Brian dropped his hands immediately.

"Good... do you want me to look-", Brian's concern showed on his face, his brow creasing.

"No... no... let's just go home," Michael said. "You're staying over, right?"

"Yeah, if it's okay," Brian starting walking with Michael, but kept his hands to himself, pushing back the urge to hug Michael tightly.

"Of course... why not?" Michael tried to tell himself that he didn't care what people thought. That he wouldn't let some assholes ruin such an amazing night. He tried to push the event out of his head, and go back to the way he felt before, but he just couldn't take Brian's hand again. Not out here, not where other people could see them. Not just yet.

When they arrived back at Michael's and got back to his room, Brian didn't hesitate in putting his jacket on the floor, and lying down on the floor beside Michael's bed.

"What are you doing?" Michael asked.

"Well, I'm pretty tired... you should ask your mom to look at your neck - you might need an ice pack on it or something," Brian said, turning away from Michael, withdrawing from him, pulling into himself. He knew sometimes Michael needed to forget the way things were, and Brian was willing to let him do that - tonight, anyway.

"Brian, don't be stupid. Get up here on the bed with me," Michael rolled over on his stomach peeking over the edge of the bed, looking down at Brian on the floor.

Brian hesitated a moment. Despite how much he respected Michael's feelings, he really didn't want to sleep on the floor - it was cold and uncomfortable, and he'd be alone. "Mikey, are you sure..."

"Yes, now take off your clothes and get up here," he said, pushing the covers down.

"Geez, you're bossy in bed," Brian grinned at him, kicking off his boots and pulling his jeans off.

"Brian, you know what I mean," Michael stared at him in frustration, angry at the situation and at himself for taking it out on Brian. Michael pulled off his boots and jeans, pushing them on the floor, then climbed under the warm covers, flicking the light off. He lay on his back, sliding to the edge of the bed, furthest away from Brian, and wrapped his arms around himself. He didn't want to think about being gay right now. He just wanted to sleep.

Brian rolled on his side, staring at Michael. Just watching him in the light from the streetlamps outside the window. Brian didn't want to get mad at Michael for his reaction, but he didn't exactly want to let it just drop either.

"Mikey, you have to accept it," Brian whispered in the dark. "There's no changing, you know."

"I know Brian... it's just - most times I feel like it doesn't matter... then something like this happens and suddenly it's all that matters," Michael's voice was quiet in the room... he whispered softly, his voice strained.

"Mikey, sometimes it is all that matters. Do you think we'd be friends if we weren't both gay? If you weren't gay, you'd have nothing to do with me," Brian whispered back, pulling the covers up to his chin.

"That's not true..." Michael trailed off wondering if he was lying or not to Brian. "I'd want to be your friend, gay or not."

"But we wouldn't be friends, Mikey. We wouldn't. And I sure as hell wouldn't be lying in your bed beside you right now," Brian reached out his hand to Michael, touching his arm. Michael didn't pull away.

"I feel like there are two sides to me. When I'm with you, and my mom and uncle Vic, I don't have to think about what I'm saying or not saying. I don't have to pretend to be someone else, like I do at school, or at work," Michael put his hand over Brian's, running his thumb back and forth over Brian's knuckles.

Brian sighed. "That's the point, Michael. You don't have to pretend ever. Why lie to people about who you are?"

"Well, it's not like you come to school with a feather boa carrying a pride flag, now is it?" Michael suddenly felt angry at Brian, dropping his hand. He felt criticized, and embarrassed for carrying on.

"No Mikey, I don't. But when someone calls me a fag, I don't say they're wrong-"

"Yeah, you just kick the shit out them," Michael laughed, interrupting Brian.

"Yeah, I do. But not in denial of what they said, it's because they said something hurtful to me, and I don't like people calling me names, no matter what the name is. If they called me a jock, I'd kick their ass too."

"Yeah, probably," Michael relaxed, less tense. "When that fucking prick in Math class wrote 'queer' on my desk, the first thing out of my mouth was that he was a fucking liar. I was the liar for saying that," Michael rolled on his side to face Brian. "I'm sorry I'm such an asshole, Brian. I can't - I just can't get past this right now. I want to... just..." Michael left the rest of sentence unsaid. He really didn't have an excuse. He just didn't know why it was so hard for him.

Brian smiled at him in the darkness, and slid closer to him on the bed. He wrapped his arms around Michael, as the smaller boy nestled his head in the crook of Brian's neck. Brian stroked Michael's hair softly, breathing in his fresh scent. So familiar, so calming, so reassuring.

"Mikey, I think I have an idea," Brian whispered. "What are you doing for prom?"