BRIAN’S POV

Was it that good?

Huh... fuck, was it, Christ, ahhhh, that... fucking good?

My fingers move faster hmph ahhh over my oh... cock and hunh, hunh, hunh, oh yeah it was fuckfuckfuckfuck that, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, ahhhh, ah... ah.. ah... ah...

Ah!

Fuck!

Ohhhh.... oh... oh...

Yeah, it was that good.

So fucking good that I didn’t even wanna fuck anyone. Didn’t even wanna get my dick sucked.

Just wanted to come back here, lie in bed and stare up at the ceiling.

Rub my cock, jerk off alone. In our bed.

Think about what I should do.

And how fucking good it was.

That kiss...

Think about how fucking worth it he is. How much I want him here.

Think about that feeling I got when he kissed me tonight. Just planted his lips on mine... and I couldn’t do anything, say anything... knew it shouldn’t be happening, but it felt so good.

Fuck.

So good. His fingers trembled on the back of my neck, but then he pulled me to him so hard... mashing his mouth against mine, pressing his lips to mine, and I was suddenly back there with him. It was suddenly so good and I forgot everything else, and I started leaning into the kiss, wanting to take it slower and wrap my arms around him, kiss him back all night... like none of it ever happened... and... and...

Then he pulled away. And walked away.

And I was left holding my breath... holding in the lingering smell of him on my mouth... that familiar sense that I’ve missed so much.

I ran my tongue over my lips and pulled them into my mouth, biting on them as if they were attached to him... sucking them, tasting him all over me. My dick was fully hard and I knew...

It was as if he’d sucker punched me. My gut was reeling, my head spinning, my mouth tingling where he’d kissed me. I could still feel his hand on the back of my neck.

Fuck, I hadn’t felt that alive since... since.... since...

Before everything. All the bad shit.

And now I’m lying here at home. Alone. Forgetting every fuck from the last three months and only remembering...

That kiss.

It was that good.

JUSTIN’S POV

Alright, so it’s a little cocky, but fuck! I used to be like that. I used to not fucking care. I remember all the crazy things I’ve done just to get Brian to see me again. Not caring if I was pissing him off or if he would throw me out. He pushed me away a million times and I never cared. Always came back.

So, I figured...

Do it.

Kiss him.

Now.

Hard.

And I did.

Christ, I’d almost let myself pretend that I couldn’t remember what he tasted like, but when my lips touched his... I could’ve fooled myself into believing that it had been three hours since we’d last kissed, not three months. It felt right. Just did.

I felt him move towards me... knew he wasn’t going to push me away... could feel that he was coming for more... but, I had to break it. Had to go. Before... before what, I don’t know, but I just wanted to give him something to think about, I guess.

So here I am, standing in the small shower at me and Daph’s apartment, the hot water beating down on the back of my neck, and I’m jerking off. Quietly. I mean fuck, who am I kidding, Daphne knows exactly what I’m doing. Knows that I saw Brian today and that every day since I started work at Vanguard this is exactly what I’ve done.

Come home, slipped into the shower, and jacked off.

Can’t help it. Being that close to Brian... fuck. It’s like I feel him looking at me and his gaze is like fingers caressing my skin, and... and his lips kissing me back, opening up to me, letting me kiss him and, and, and oh... oh yeah... oh... oh...

Ohhhhhh Christ, yeah... fuck. I bite the back of my hand so I don’t let out a moan, then lean back against the tiled wall, my knees shaking a little turning to jelly for a second. The cum spills out from my fingers and I watch as it swirls down the drain, washing away.

Fuck, that kiss.

It was good.

Just... that... kiss...

I smiled all the way to the bus stop. Smiled all the way home. And I can’t stop smiling now.

Mmmm, can’t stop... can’t stop.

I feel elated... and free.

Wasn’t just the kiss. It was that I finally said everything. I told Brian exactly what I had wanted him to say to me those months ago. I told him exactly what I had wanted from him. Told him everything. And he didn’t deny that he felt those things. Okay, yeah, he didn’t *agree* but, he didn’t tell me to fuck off or go to hell. He just...

Stopped me from leaving.

And that’s what I wanted more than anything.

That he’d just try.

How much more did that mean to me? Brian’s hand on my waist, pulling me back to him... stopping me from leaving him again... how much more did that mean than a thousand ‘I love you’s’ from Ethan?

Maybe I’m fucked up. Maybe I’m foolish and a glutton for punishment. It’s not like I don’t remember how much Brian could hurt me. How much I let him hurt me. Not like I’ve forgotten the little digs and pushes away. Not like I’ve forgotten that Brian will always be Brian, whether we’re together or not. That Brian will always be fucking everyone and anyone in sight.

Not like I’ve forgotten that...

Just that maybe... I can live with that.

Maybe just being with him is enough now. Can be enough. I know what both sides are like, and I like this one better. Fuck romance. Fuck rings. Fuck being owned by one person for the rest of your life.

Fuck all that.

All I want is just to be with Brian again. Just to feel his lips on mine again. Those breathtaking kisses... the way we moved together, came together, were just... together...

He makes my heart pound faster... he makes my palms all sweaty... he makes my stomach do flip flops and he makes me just want to be with him, despite everything or maybe because of it. I feel like I need to be with him, that he's part of me and will be forever.

This... is... love.

Real love.

No comparison.

THE OFFICE

BRIAN’S POV

Don’t know what he’s going to say, honestly. He’s been fucking full of surprises the last few months—first taking off, then coming back, showing up at the agency as an intern, and now booking a meeting with me after hours. He used to be predictable, but I don’t know where he’s coming from now.

He sighs a little, and I can tell he’s nervous. Staring down at his hands, then back up at me.

“I gave it some thought, ” he starts, a glimmer of a smile crosses his lips then disappears. He swallows hard, uneasily. “I decided you should take me back.”

Not what I expected. Not what I expected at all. Thought maybe I’d get an apology. A plea to rehire him. An offer to suck my cock. I don’t really know.

But I honestly didn’t expect that he’d make it so easy for me.

And I love that he did.

Because despite the fact that most of me is screaming inside that I’m being pushed over by a fucking twink, the rest of me... the important part of me... is smiling and feeling elated... that it’s so easy.

We play with words back and forth, but it’s obvious what we both want. I could make it hard for him. Make him try to prove something to me. Make him really work for it.

But that would be torturing myself as much as him.

I let the smile that I'd been holding back sneak out and I let him know...

It's okay.

He smiles back... and...

Fuck...

Just...

Fuck.

I get up from behind my desk, and lean against it, standing in front of him. “You can start immediately,” I cross my arms over my chest, and wait. I’m a little curious to see if he can keep up his cockiness. Wondering if this is the really the same Justin that I was drawn to in the first place.

He sits for a minute, staring at me. I know he’s trying to hold back a grin. I almost want to tell him to drop the charade and just let it out. I wanna see it.

But instead he slides out of the chair, away from me. Goes towards the door... and closes it.

And comes back to me.

Back where he belongs.

He stands in front of me, a little smile playing across his lips. We’re eye to eye because I’m sitting on the edge of the desk and I can’t help it and bite my lips, but the smile comes out anyway.

Fuck, I want him... and... I want this... for me. Maybe it’s selfish. Maybe it’s wrong. Maybe next week we’ll be exactly where we were three months ago.

But God, I’ll have him till then. Keep him till he runs away again, and only hope that he never does.

Maybe try a little, so he doesn’t want to run.

Maybe reach out my hand one more time, and stop him.

Before he can leave me again.

He leans in a little and puts his hand on the side of face. Our lips touch again and I realized what I’d been holding back from everyone else... what I still wouldn’t share with anyone else... and I’m so fucking glad that I did keep it... guess I always knew he’d be back. Always knew that he couldn’t stay away.

Our mouths open and we let our tongues reacquaint themselves, running over each other, exploring each other, tasting how good it is to be home again... sharing each breath...

I wrap my arms around his waist and pull him to me... he slides between my legs... his thighs brushing against the insides of mine... and... I feel... desire and... this heady sense of getting exactly what I want...

Pull my lips from his momentarily and stand up... tearing off my jacket... pressing my forehead against his... and he’s smiling at me... calmly... like... it’s all supposed to be happening this way...

He helps me undress... undoing the buttons on my cuffs... his fingers nervously shake a little and he laughs at himself... I pull his face to mine and kiss him again... don’t want to take my lips from his... just want to be that close to him again...

Then we’re chest to chest... both naked from the waist up... his neck is exposed to me... and I kiss him where I know he loves it... he tips his head back and lets me run my tongue up his throat... taste the saltiness and smell his warm, wet skin... bathed with my tongue...

And we find each other again...

I push him back against the desk... our dicks trapped in our pants... rubbing our crotches together... each fighting to find the button on the other’s pants... each trying to get there first...

Kissing... kissing... kissing... I feel like I need to be inside him... but... I want to draw this out... want... to make this part last... this is the part... I missed the most... this is the part... I could never replace...

The familiarity... the knowing... the... understanding... the anticipation... of remembering exactly how it was the time before... knowing that it’ll be the same... but different... the time ahead... knowing that... he’ll love it... knowing that I’ll love it...

Knowing everything...

We finally ease out of shoes and pants and underwear... and then we’re both bare... free from everything... and... he slides up on the desk and I pull closer to him...between his legs... and our dicks touch... and he sighs into my mouth... starts whimpering a little... breathing hard though his nose... and all I can do is kiss him harder... press my body closer to his... and revel in it... and think how fucking happy I am... that it was so easy... be together again...

I don’t fucking care if he’s got me by the balls... if he’s got me exactly where he wants me...

Because that’s exactly where I want to be...

It’s that good here... that good... with him...

JUSTIN’S POV

Fuck, I missed him...

Every night... he’d come to me... every night I’d think of him...

Wondering... wondering... wondering...

I know Brian wanted me to fuck up... and I did. And I’m glad he let me go through all that shit... I mean... Christ... it was awful... but I came through it all... wanting him more than ever... knowing that... whatever the fuck it is that we have... can never be replaced... and that... there might be things that I don’t like... but goddamn it... everything else is worth it...

So worth it...

His fingers cup my ass, and he pulls me off the desk... our lips never parting... like this might be a dream or a fantasy... like it might not really be happening and that we’d better just make the most of it while it’s here...

But it is real... and I am here... and... I won’t screw up again...

I pull my mouth from his... his fingers clutching my hair... pressing me to him... my lips find his ear...

Fuck me...

He lets out a deep sigh and pulls my lips to his again... pushing against me hard... he moans into my throat... then tears his mouth away... and he dips his head and presses his forehead to mine... panting hard... his breath washing over my face... I breathe him in... sucking back his air... it’s like he was just waiting for me to say it... not for permission, I know that... but... maybe he likes to hear me say it...

Fuck me hard... I whisper again...

His fingers find my hips and he turns me around... then pushes his palms up my back... I lean over the desk... resting my shoulders and cheek against the hard surface among the papers and folders... my thighs... leaning against the edge of the desk... my ass in the air... my dick touching the desk, leaving trails of pre-cum on reports lying on the desk. I part my legs wider and hear the tear of a condom... then feel his dick against my ass... sliding into my crack... letting me know he’s there.

I feel his lips on my cheek... on my ear... down my neck... his cock... grinding into my ass and I feel the pull of the latex. He sucks on my shoulder blade... fingers dancing across my back. I hold my arms out to my sides in total submission to him. I want him to know that I’m his again. All his. I hope he knows I was always his. That nobody could ever steal my heart away.

He leans over me, the tip of his cock pressing against my hole and I relax everywhere and open myself to him. He slides in the tiniest bit... just resting inside... then lies on top of me... his mouth buried in my hair... his nipples, hard stubs, brushing against my back... then his chest, sticky and warm, presses against my skin and he runs his hands over my arms... spreading me wider. His body is touching me everywhere... every inch of him is touching every inch of me. His palms find the backs of my hands and his fingers weave between mine.

I close my eyelids and my eyes roll back in my head. It’s so good, so good, so good... then... huh... then he eases inside me, slowly. And it’s more than I remembered, better than any dream I ever had. Better than any memory. He fills me up... fills up that fucking hole that had lain open for so long, so long, so long.

And I realize that nothing else could fill it. No words, no tokens of affection, nothing. Nothing except him, taking me like this.

Fingers squeeze mine... oh... God....

Oh God...

BRIAN’S POV

I press him to the desk and cover him with my body. Push my dick inside him like a million times before that are never quite the same. Watch his face—little crease of the eyebrows and a smile across his lips that breaks into a gasp... open mouthed intake of air.

And he says it again...

Fuck me...

It sends a shiver through me... feels so good to hear him say that again...

Justin... I whisper it out into his long mane of blond hair.

Brian... he breathes back. It’s him, really him. Not some look-a-like wanna-be pathetic replacement.

It’s him.

And it’s that good.

I stay so deep inside him and press my chest to his back, holding him to the desk, touching him everywhere... squeezing his fingers between mine. We both pant hard and I start fucking him slowly... easing in and out of him... his body moves with mine, pushing back on me as I slide in, pulling away as I slide out... deepening each stroke... drawing out each motion...

I press my forehead to his shoulders, sticking against his hot, damp skin... burning flesh sliding together... his scent overwhelms me and he starts humming with each exhale of air. We move together faster, the sensations overtaking us and we get lost in that rhythmic mantra of fucking... of only being able to focus on the deep penetration... on reaching that point where his breath catches... of letting it build until... it’s so close to falling... until he pushes back on me so hard... I squeeze my eyes shut... he’s holding me inside him... muscles tightening around my shaft... and... I can’t hardly breathe anymore... and... oh God... I’ve forgotten everything and am lost in this... fucking... place... am lost... inside him...

JUSTIN’S POV

Fuck... oh... fuck... my dick is bursting... throbbing... and I want to hold on because I don’t want to stop... but each.... deep thrust inside... is better than the last... and touches me... farther inside... and... it’s... too much... too much... and it’s all I can do... to suck in each breath... our hands... sweaty... hold onto each other for dear fucking life... his fingers unconsciously clasping mine in rhythm with each stroke inside...

I milk his cock with my ass, clenching my muscles around him tightly... trying not to scream out with the intensity inside me. Christ, I wish we could stay here forever... and ever...

And then... oh fuck... he... stops moving... burying his dick deep inside me... pressing on the places that make cry with pleasure... he puts all his weight on me... I arch my back into him... my legs spreading wider... barely able to hold me up... thighs pushing hard against the edge of the desk... his fingers... grip my hands so hard... I feel them go cold as the blood drains from them with the pressure...

We’re suspended... in this moment... and... just... our staggered breathing... filling the air... I know... I can’t hold this... for very long... I’ll... combust... I’ll explode... I’ll cum with a glass shattering roar... but he holds me there... and I love being held by him... love... being taken by him... love... being here with him... never, ever imagined that anything could ever be this good...

And then he starts again, fucking me so hard and so fast and so suddenly that I forget to breathe and my heart skips a beat... fluttering in my chest as I try to gasp for air... water seeping out my eyelids... my mouth frozen open... he lets go of my hands and wraps his arms around my chest... his cheek pressed against my neck... his hair tickling my face... and... we’re so close... so fucking close...

I feel him start to cum... dick quivering inside me, but he’s still fucking me hard... bringing me with him... and... I let go... don’t hold on anymore... and... oh fuck... fuckfuckfuck... too intense... too much... too... too... Christ! Fuck! Oh... fuck.... fuck... I cum... my dick twitching against the desk... cum... hitting me on the chest... he still drives inside me... and... another wave overtakes me... oh God... God... God...

It’s like... we were never apart...

It’s like... we were never... supposed to be apart...

BRIAN’S POV

I clutch him to my chest... for as long as I can... my forearms bearing the weight of both of us flattened against the desk.

I don’t want to move. I like to feel his chest expand and contract in my grasp. Like to feel his damp skin beneath mine. Like to stay right here where there is nothing that needs to be said... where there is nothing that needs to be done... just try to remember how to breathe again... just feel the relief and euphoria wash over both of us.

But we can’t stay here forever...

I sigh deeply and ease my arms from beneath him, pulling our bodies slowly apart. He stays lying on the desk, a frown crossing his face as I slide my dick from him.

“Brian,” his voice is dreamy and far away.

I let myself look at his ass stuck up in the air. His hole red and open and waiting for me. I smooth my palms over his ass cheeks.

“Yeah?” I ask.

“Fuck me again,” he says it with a smile in his voice. Christ I could.

But instead I lean over him and kiss him softly on the temple, rolling him onto his side.

“Later. At home,” I whisper into his face and his eyes open wide. He lifts his head and smiles at me, pushing himself up. His lips find mine and we kiss softly.

Good. He’ll come home with me. Tonight, anyway.

He slowly stands up, laughing at the sheets of paper stuck to his chest. I survey the damage momentarily. I’ll have to get all those reports reprinted and think of a good reason why there’s cum all over the new proofs.

Who cares.

That’s tomorrow.

And we have all of now to enjoy.

Because it was that good. Always that good.

JUSTIN’S POV

Something’s not right, but then again maybe it is. I feel warmth all around me... steady breathing on my neck... soft hair against my face... heaviness across my chest...

I open my eyes and see the loft. Have to blink a few times until I remember... remember that it’s not a dream, not an illusion. That I’m really here, with the sun streaming in and Brian wrapped around me, his face buried in my neck and his arm thrown across my chest, holding me to him.

God, I missed this.

I hope I never have to miss it again. I hope every morning can be exactly like this one.

I have no idea what time it is or what time Brian and I should leave for work... so I trail my fingers across his arm... down his side... brush my thumb softly across his temple.

His eyes flutter open...

For a split second, he’s confused. Face scrunches up in a scowl and I sense a what-the-fuck coming from him any minute now. But then he looks around and smiles, rolling onto his back, his other arm still trapped beneath me.

I raise myself up a little and he takes his arm back, stretching his limbs out wide and sighing contentedly. I’m relieved. I’m supposed to be here. He wants me here.

Besides, after last night I couldn’t have fucking walked to the door, let alone home. I grin thinking about all the things we remembered last night.

“What are you smiling about,” he says, rolling onto his side, staring at me.

“Nothing,” I smile even wider. “You.” I hold my breath.

He lets a low moan escape from his lips, pulling them into a warm smile. “Really...” he growls a little, and it goes to my dick.

I nod and stretch, letting everything wash over me. I haven’t felt this relaxed... or calm... for ages.

He glances at my crotch, my dick tenting up the sheet. “Funny how some things never change,” he teases, and climbs on top of me, settling between my legs.

Feels so good, our warm, hard cocks pressed together. I wrap my ankles around him and hold him to me. He kisses me softly on the lips and I kiss back, opening my mouth more to let his tongue glide across mine.

He pulls away and looks at me, his hands cupping my face, his thumb caressing my cheek bone. His eyes search mine for... for... what I don’t know... I can never know what it is he wants to see from me... all I can show him is love...

He sucks his bottom lip into his mouth and leans over me... I feel his lips at my ear... tickling my ear lobe... nibbling a little... I close my eyes and pull in breath after breath... and then... then...

So softly... just a whisper... not even... just a breath from his lips...

I missed you...

I know what I heard... but I don’t want to think about what I heard... because... I know... that... my body will fail me... that... my strength will leave me... that... my heart banging in my chest... will make me realize that he actually said something to me... that he said something that meant so fucking much to me...

I nod slowly... it’s... all I can do... he kisses the side of my face... breathing in my hair... his ear is close to my lips... and... I know I might never have another chance to say this and I know that I want to say it now.

I’m sorry... I whisper it. Don’t know if he heard, almost don’t care.

But then he stops kissing me and looks at me, caressing the sides of my face with his hands. He shakes his head and smiles.

“Sorry’s bullshit,” he says it out loud and it surprises me, but he kisses me hard on the mouth, his fingers weaving into my hair and I know it’s okay.

He’s right. Though I *am* sorry, it was all bullshit. I wish it never happened. But then I have this feeling that maybe things will be better than ever. That maybe I needed that change. Needed to see...

Fuck, I don’t know. All I care is that I’m here again. All I care is that I know I’ll never fucking leave him again. And if he ever wants me to leave, the only way I’d go would be kicking and screaming and holding on to him... because I want him that much... because it’s that good with him.

That good.