Panic, fear, sweat running down your back, lungs burning and it smells here, the smoke stinging as it creeps down your throat. You can’t even push it out, the taste is in your mouth, on your skin. Your heart hammers and your stomach is in knots and it’s like three years ago, it’s like that night, there’s ambulances and police and you don’t have him, you don’t fucking have him and it’s not that night, not again, but you feel like it is.

Your eyes fill just thinking of it and everything turns into a blur, everything merging together, and you blink hard and feel the tears scatter down your cheeks, followed by more and the panic is worse and intense and raw and oh God, you have to find, need to find, gotta find, he’s gotta be here, must be here oh God Christ fuck where is he where is he where is he…

“Brian!”

It’s not your name you hear, but the voice, and your head whips around and then through everything all you see is him.

“Justin,” your voice cracks out and it’s all you can say, all you can do. You push through people to get to him, and then he’s in front of you and your arms wrap around him tightly. You cling to him, bury your face in his hair and hold on like you’ve never held on before, you hold on like your life depends on it, like his life depends on it.

Like everything fucking depends on it.

You don’t let go.

“It’s okay,” he gasps against your neck, his breath a puff of air, and it’s heaven and God you can’t fucking imagine not having this, you need this, crave this, missed this, have to have this always and forever.

You slide your arms up his back and put your palms on his cold cheeks and press your forehead to his.

“Justin,” you say his name again, to hear yourself say it, to hear him say your name back, which he does.

The relief, the joy, the surge of emotion you feel running through your body, your veins... you know what it is and your mind starts spinning... you start to speak but your voice crumbles in your throat betraying you and your mind fills with the words you really want to say, need to say... the voice in your head overpowers you and then suddenly your heart speaks...

“Jesus Christ, Justin, I love you so fucking much,” the words whisper from between your lips and to say them feels euphoric, to hear them out loud seems impossible and yet there they are and the wide smile on his face tells you that it’s true.

He opens his mouth to respond, but you don’t need anything else right now but to be kissing him, and you press your lips to his softly, taking his mouth with your own, sliding your tongue against his, feeling him, tasting him, capturing him. He breathes deeply through his nose, arms wrapping around your neck, pulling you closer and in that moment you know, you just fucking know that you will never, ever let him go again.

Despite everything else in this moment, this life, this world. You have him now and you’ll do whatever the fuck it takes to keep him forever. You know love now and you know it even more to see it reflected in his eyes back at you.

This is love in your arms, this is love in your heart, your soul, your fucking existence.

This is love and you admit it and it feels amazing to admit it, to see his face, to let yourself feel it and say it and want it. To know it.

This is love and you embrace it, you cherish it, you see it for the precious thing that it is.

This is love and you know you’ll never be afraid of it again.