|
“I was pretty sure you were gonna fuck me,”
I say, looking at him. I’m pretty sure
you’re gonna fuck me right now, I wanna
say, but I don’t.
Lying on my back looking up at him… he’s
so tall, hovering over me… he starts to bend
down and straddles me like he did that first
time when I was so fucking scared – scared
of screwing up, scared of looking like an
inexperienced kid. Which I ended up doing
anyway. What the fuck was I thinking… yeah,
I like playing Tomb Raider – idiot. Little
did I know…
I rub my hands on his jeans as he slides
down on me. They’re new – everything Brian
has is new. Except me.
“Then what?” he says.
It’s funny, the way Brian’s looking at me
right now – studying me, watching me. I rest
my hands on his knees, liking the feeling
of him on top of me, sitting on my legs and
keeping me there. I wanna reach my hand behind
his neck, pull him to me, and kiss him.
He looks at me for a long moment, and I look
at him back… and… I wanna laugh and ask him,
what? His jaw kind of sets and I know
he’s got some plan, but I have no idea what,
and I’m about to say something… looking at
him…
Suddenly he falls on me, his hands grabbing
mine, slapping against my skin as he pulls
my wrists to my sides and it’s so fast and
suddenly so scary I laugh nervously and it’s
like that feeling when you step off the curb
and a car whizzes by you or when you’re at
the crest of the roller coaster and… just
about… to drop… exhilaration and fright and
adrenaline and I feel the blood rush to my
face and a tingle in my toes, electricity
through my whole body.
Brian’s face is in mine and he says: “What
if...” then leans back…
I watch him as he slides his tongue out and
touches my stomach, then runs his tongue up
my chest… over my nipple… I tilt my chin up
and feel him slide up my neck… until he ends
up at my mouth… I lift my head just a little
to kiss him, but he pulls out of my reach
and I can’t move any further with my hands
pinned to the bed. He just teases me with
his mouth… and I want him…
“What if…” he says again, and I wait. What…
is… he-
Fuck! His hands fly to my throat and he grips
me so tight and I… and I fuck… can’t fucking
breathe… I hear my heart pounding in my head
and I try to suck in a breath but I can’t
I can’t I can’t… I grab his wrists trying
to release his grip… he wants to play… I can
play… but… but… not… like… this… not… hurting…
He’s saying something about strangling me…
and I can’t focus… but I make some stupid comment
about choking me with his dick… and… my fingers
pull at his…
I stare into his eyes and look at him and
adrenaline pulses through me… I break out
into a cold sweat but I’m so hot… so fucking
hot… so… oh… he’s whispering to me… and…
He licks at my mouth and I say his name but
he ignores my plea… he’s not really gripping
me that hard… if I relaxed, I know I could
breathe… but… it’s scary and sexy to fight
back with him. I can feel my face heat up
and I pull at his fingers around my throat
– he just stares at me… Christ he’s turned
on and it fucking makes me so hard too… but…
but… we’ve never played like this before.
Finally I just ask him to cut it out, and
he does, his hands letting me go and falling
to the bed beside me. I pant for breath and
my eyes start to water… holy fuck, I feel
dizzy and I want him to grab me and fuck me…
I want to push him and bite him… I feel like
I want to play rough and just do something
different…
He sits back and watches me and I feel shaky
all over. He smiles a little and says, “You
came here not knowing what was going to happen,
that was part of the thrill.”
I’ve got my breath back, but can’t stop panting.
I just want him to… I don’t know… to…
He touches my cock and it makes me jump,
almost cum… I’m so turned on I can’t help
it… and then he’s rubbing his dick, Christ,
and I want him in me… I want…
“That’s what made you hard… in fact you’re
hard right now just thinking about it,” he
says, watching me, strong fingers on my dick.
He’s whispering into my face, talking about
danger and excitement… and oh God… I want
it… can’t… stand it… I grab his hair and pull
his head back… I see surprise in his eyes
and it shoots adrenaline through me. I demand
he fucks me, and he just smiles, taking his
hand from my cock and pulling my fingers from
his hair in a quick move. He’s going to overpower
me, and I can’t wait… can’t wait…
He hangs over me, lips touching, but not
kissing… just breathing on me. I stay still,
letting him do what he wants, anything he
wants. “Do you want to play?” he whispers
against my face.
I suck in a breath and nod… can’t speak… yes
yes yes…
His hand slides up my throat and stops just
under my chin, his fingers pressing hard under
my jawbone, pushing on my throat, but not
so much that I can’t breathe… just pressing
slow this time, not scary, not strangling…
just sexy, just relinquishing control… just
proving something…
I suck in a deep breath, reminding myself
that I can still get air in my lungs. His
hand tightens a little and I stare at him,
into his eyes, wodering what he's thinking…
but I never know, never ever know.
He leans into me and I can’t move under him…
one hand wrapped around my throat, the other
back on my cock. I can’t take my eyes off
him, don’t want to stop looking at him, just
want to make sure he sees what I feel… though
I don’t know what that is. I know my cock
is hard and I’m finding it hard to breathe
deeply… but I watch him and I know he’s loving
this, loving this feeling of control… though
he must know that he always has this.
His face is so close to mine, and he breaks
my stare to put his lips to my ear… he whispers
so quietly it’s like it’s just his breath talking…
all I can barely hear him say is “Do you trust
me?
I don’t know what to say and even if I knew,
I couldn’t speak… words catch in my throat
and I put my hands over my head, letting him
know – showing him that I’m his, but…
His hair brushes against my cheek and it’s
like I can feel every strand hit my face.
My skin feels super sensitive and my face
feels hot – he’s waiting for me to respond.
I can’t see his eyes and I hate it. I whisper
his name and he loosens his grip, my heart
is pounding in my chest so hard… yeah, he’s
right… I don’t know what’s going to happen…
don’t know what to do to… what he’s going
to do… and it’s making my dick so goddamn
hard… he’s got me… and I know if I asked him
to stop he would… but… but… fuck… this is…
hot… me… trusting him… whether I say so or
not… yeah, I do trust him… I have to… need
to… don’t know why… but I’ve given him everything
and he’s taken nothing… so it’s all… out…
there…
He whispers again… it’s so quiet… it’s like
he’s talking inside my head… “Justin… do… you…
trust… me…” He doesn’t move… doesn’t turn to
look at me… just holds me to the bed, his hand
pushing at my throat and the other holding my
cock… I feel so vulnerable to him… so exposed…
so open… so… so…
“Yes… yes… yes…” I force out… I can breathe…
he’s not cut off my air and I’m not panicked…
not at all… just… just… fucking turned on…
“Put your hands on my thighs…” he whispers…
“Hit me if you want me to stop…”
I suck in deep breaths at that… what… is… he…
going… to… do… his hand on my cock quickens…
sliding up and down… I still have my pants on…
but his hand is pushed down them, the band of
my underwear pulling his wrist to my belly…
oh Christ it feels good… so good…
I do as he asks… and… it is exciting… even
though I know he’d never hurt me… I do know
that… I mean he wouldn’t… physically hurt me…
He lifts his head, his hair brushing by my
face and I want to kiss him… need to… he puts
his face in front of mine and touches our lips
so slightly… his breath pushing over me… I try
to raise my head to kiss him, but I can’t… can’t
move… I know this is the game… and I play along…
he pushes just a little harder under my chin
and it reduces my air a bit more… I focus on
breathing slowly… taking shallow breaths… though
my heart is racing with fear and desire… I watch
his eyes… and… he just fucking stares at me…
oh… Christ… I’m not going to be very long…
He’s dominating me… taking my life in his hands…
if he wanted… he… could… do… anything… I focus
on pulling thin strands of air into my lungs
and I’m starting to feel dizzy… no… euphoric…
oh… I… love… this… his… control… over… me… and…
and… I know… Brian… loves… having… it… he pulls
back to watch me and I just lose it… for a second…
feeling like… I’m… on E… like…
I blink quickly a few times to clear my head
and Brian loosens his hold… concern flashing
across his face… the game broken for a minute…
I know he wouldn’t… I put my hand over his on
my throat and push it harder… liked it… liked
that feeling… of submitting to him… he grins
and puts his mouth over mine… kissing me… and…
oh… fuck… pulls on my cock harder… I’m so fucking
hot I feel like my skin is on fire… and… and
I try to suck in a deep breath as I feel the
tingle in my balls before I cum but I can’t
get enough air and the fear hits me again and
I hit his leg and he releases me entirely and
I pull a huge breath of air into my lungs and
the sudden hit of oxygen throws me into a complete
tail spin as I cum cum cum into his hand and
my pants…
Holy fuck what a fucking high… he’s saying
my name to see if I’m alright but I’m more than
alright… I lift up off the bed and I grab his
hair again pushing his face into mine to kiss
kiss kiss him… his fingers pull off my cock
and he pushes me back to the bed… his palms
on my shoulders strongly… he pins me there and
I reach between his legs unbuttoning his pants,
tearing at his shirt trying to get everything
fucking off him so I can feel his skin on mine…
now…
I’m frantic… gotta have… fucking… gotta… I
need… I don’t know… but I want him to do it
to me… I want him to make me feel like he knows
how to do… I want him… fucking me… right… now…
I demand he fucks me again… I say it over and
over and over… I get at his dick through his
pants, pulling it over the open buttons of his
jeans… and I roll it in my hands… it’s so hard
and hot and wet and I want it in my mouth so
I can suck on it… but I know I won’t be gentle…
not tonight…
His hands slide off my shoulders and I sit
up, pushing him back off me… pushing him to
the bed… he’s stunned… falls to his side… his
pants, half open, falling around his hips restricting
his movement… he’s not expecting me… to be like
this… but I’ve never… been like this… ever…
I roll him over to his stomach and he lets me…
he’s curious… I know him… he’s going to let
me… play with him… to see how far I want to
take this game…
I yank off his jeans… oh fuck me… revealing
his perfect ass… tight and small and just right
for me… I climb up his body grabbing his ass
on the way up… pulling apart the cheeks and
I just fucking jam my tongue up his hole… he
lets out like this huge groan and pushes himself
up… tries to twist over… but I grab his wrist
and twist it up his back… pinning him to the
bed… I mean… I’m not stupid… I know he could
push me off him so hard and fast… if he really
wanted… so… I know he’s just playing with me
too…
I run my tongue up and down his crack… but
his wrist is twisting in my grip and I know
I’ll lose him soon… I pull my pants off with
one hand and straddle him… I grab his other
hand and put all my weight on it… pinning him
there… his face pushed into the pillow… fuck…
I’m gonna do what I want… well… almost… I put
my dick between his ass cheeks and push down…
oh… fuck me… too hot… I hear him say my name…
and he’s warning me… don’t go there…
“Afraid I’m gonna fuck you,” I ask, holding
my cock between his ass… pushing against his
hole with the base of my cock. I squeeze his
wrist in my grip hard… as hard as I can… I wanna
bruise his wrist… I wanna put a mark on him…
He doesn’t say anything… and I keep humping
him… oh Christ… so good… my dick sliding between
his cheeks… I can’t stop but I know I have to…
or I’ll fucking lose it and slip my dick up
his hole… and no matter how badly I want to
do it… I would never do that to him… unless
he asked…
I let go of his arm and his wrist and he twists
around, his legs sliding from between mine…
he kneels on the bed and grabs my arm, pushing
me to the pillows… I land flat on my stomach
and slide my hands under me… I wait a second…
I hear a condom wrapper tear… oh yeah… he’s
gonna fuck me now… finally… I start to push
myself up but I collapse as he grabs my hips
and pulls me back to him forcefully… my knees
pulling the sheets along with me… I fall to
my elbows… his cock hits my balls… then… no
screwing around… he slams his dick in my ass
hard… and I… let out a whimper and a moan… not
sure if this is good or what… but I know I feel
shaky and my cock is fucking dripping…
His hand wraps around my face and he covers
my eyes… blindfolding me with his fingers… he’s
just fucking pounding into me… and I rock forward
with every thrust… taking it… pushing back for
more… I hear him groaning with the effort… grunting
with every push… his hand on my face pushes
me back to him and I sit up… kneeling in front
of him… his cock diving deeper and deeper into
me… his other hand wraps around my body and
I feel so unsteady, like I could topple over
or fall off the bed… he drags me closer to him…
my back curving into his chest… never stopping
the push push push in … I hardly feel him pull
out… it’s just in in in…
His fingers find my nipple ring and he pushes
my head back onto his shoulder… exposing my
throat to him again and I feel so open and excited
I don’t know what he’s going to do… he pulls
on my nipple ring so hard it hurts and I let
him know, swearing with the pain… but he doesn’t
stop… knows I can take it… wants me to feel
it…
His lips find my neck but they reveal his teeth
before too long and he bites and bites at my
exposed throat… nibbling on the skin… I still
can’t see… his fingers across my eyes so hard
I see stars on the inside of my eyelids instead…
his fingertips pushing indentations on my skull…
and it’s so… fucking… hot…
My ass is raw from his fucking but he’s never
even slowed down… just going and going… I have
to grab my cock because I’m going to fucking
burst… both hands, I pull on it…squeeze it…
Brian’s hand leaves my nipple… feels so hot
and burning… like when I first got it pierced…
his attention and pulling and I think it might
be bleeding and fuck… I want him to suck it…
but he grabs my wrist, pulling one hand from
my cock and puts it on his ass… I squeeze the
hard muscles… push my palm over his smooth skin…
then he smacks away my other hand and takes
my dick for himself… jerking me off so quickly
I have to pant… his hand slides from my eyes
and over my mouth… I lick at his hand and he
pushes on me harder… his cock never stopping
the push push push… I breathe through my nose
so quickly… I grab his hair… pulling on him…
wanting to hear him… wanting I don’t know what
the fuck… but I feel so frantic… I squeeze his
ass with my fingers digging my nails in… scratching
at his skin…
He takes his hand from my mouth and puts it
on the back of my neck, curling his fingers
around me… he forces my head to the bed… my
hands slide from him… and I hold on to the sheets…
gripping them… pulling the fabric into my fingers…
his grip on me is so strong… he fucks me harder…
hitting me inside… oh fuck… and… oh… my cock…
I’m… going… to… ah… everything is so fast and
so fucking hot… and I just… just… oh God… faster…
he squeezes my cock and holds himself inside
me knowing I’m going to cum and wanting to ride
me… ride me… ride…
Christ… I moan loudly, saying his name and
I cum… feeling exhausted… spent… I just shake
with every contraction… it’s too much… I wait
for him… he slides in and out a couple more
times, then stays… holding onto my hips… and
pushing inside me… swearing as he cums…
“Jesus Christ…” he says… sliding out of me.
I just fall to the bed on my stomach… fuck…
my ass is sore… my neck is sore… I miss his
mouth… I want my lips on his… I’m spent. Done.
Enough.
I feel him leaning over me… his hands on either
side of me… holding himself up… his lips touch
my ear and he whispers, “Okay?”
I just move my head. I think I’m okay. I don’t
know what we did. I feel a little… I don’t know
really… I guess I felt like a trick again… but
that’s okay. That’s what Brian wants. I won’t
say I didn’t want it. Fuck… it was so hot… and
intense… but scary too… I guess… I think sometimes
he forgets I’m 18. But then again, maybe not…
He drops to the bed beside me, letting out
a deep breath, rolling onto his back.
I want to please him… I want to be with him…
and I’ll do anything he wants… but… I’m getting
tired… I need him… to show me… that… I don’t
know… that I’m different than just a trick…
that I mean something… that… he… I start to
get a bit shaky suddenly… don’t know why… I
think this was all a little much for me… so
soon after… well… and he did scare me at first…
I roll onto my side, away from him and pull
my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around
me. I just hold on… letting the shivers pass
over me… closing my eyes… sucking in air… what
am I doing what am I doing… what… this isn’t
me… I’m not like this… but I guess I am different…
and grown up… and… and…
It’s impossible to continue lying… lying to
myself and to Brian… we have these rules and
these games and it’s all so stupid. Why can’t
we just do what we want… and why can’t Brian
just want to be with me… only me… why can’t
I be enough…
“Hey,” he says.
I don’t look at him. I can’t look at him.
“Justin,” he says my name and I start to shiver
again. I breathe deeply trying to let it all
pass… trying to make this fucking sinking feeling
go away… I can’t… I feel like I’m drowning…
I’ve kept all my feelings shoved so far down
inside me and I don’t know if I can keep them
there… worse yet… I’m afraid to keep them there
in case I can’t ever get them out again… I told
him I trust him… but I don’t trust him enough
to take my words. To handle what I need to say.
To know that he’ll say it back. To trust him
with my heart. But it’s too late for that one.
I hear him moving behind me and feel his warm
hand on my shoulder. He tries to pull me onto
my back but I hold tight and still and don’t
move. He doesn’t force me. Just keeps his hand
there. He wraps his body around me… his arms
over mine and I want to open my hands and let
him take them but I can’t.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “Maybe we shouldn’t
have… I thought you wanted to…” he sighs. He
doesn’t know what to say to me and it makes
me feel good in some perverse way. He should
be struggling for once. Instead, he falls into
what he’s good at. His lips stop trying to make
words and find themselves on my neck… kissing
me… and it makes me shake… I can’t stand it…
can’t take it… I want to tell him to stop but
I don’t know how…
My stomach curls up and I bite back something…
a cry… a laugh… a yell… I don’t know what’s
trying to get out of me… but I know I need to
keep it in. He doesn't fucking get it... once
again... he's missed the whole fucking point.
But... but...
I sigh and try to calm down. Must calm down.
This… is better… than… nothing. Right?
|
