Open my eyes... it’s wrong and it’s right... too late in the day to be waking up... that’s wrong... but Justin’s wrapped around me... his hand on my chest leaving a warm impression... the skin on my neck feels tight with dried cum... I lick my lips and taste Justin... fuck... all that is just so so so right...

I don’t wanna move... but Christ... I’ve pretty much slept away my Saturday... got work to do... Justin’s got projects to do... but... it was worth it... I got the best hours of sleep since... since... all this started...

I feel Justin’s steady breathing on my arm... he’s deep asleep... I kiss him lightly on the forehead... run my hand across his hair softly... he moves a little... I whisper his name and run my thumb across his cheek... finally he wakes... opens his eyes and smiles a little...

“Hi,” I say...

“Hi,” he says back...

“Wanna share a shower?”

He grins and untangles himself from his sleeping position... pulling his arms from around me... unwrapping our legs... he stretches his arms way over his head and yawns widely... I can’t help myself from yawning too in reaction... still sort of tired... it’s like I feel so relaxed that I could stay in bed all day... fuck... I almost have...

Justin slides out of bed... I follow him to the bathroom... and he’s already turning on the water... getting it hot like I like it... I step into the warm room behind him and dip my head under the spray... reluctantly letting the water wash his cum from my chest...

I pour a little shampoo into my hand and start rubbing it into his hair, massaging his scalp lightly... he tips his head back into my hands... eyes closed... mouth in a tiny smile...

“Feeling better now?” I ask him.

“That feels amazing... makes it better...” he says into the steamy air...

“Good,” I kiss him on the shoulder and keep running my fingers through his wet hair... avoiding the lump on his skull from... whatever the fuck happened...

The hot water beats down on my shoulders... and I hear nothing... but our breathing... and the water splashing down... a little cocoon of warmth... our bodies lightly touching...

Out of nowhere... I find myself wishing more than anything... that... we could stay in this place forever... never leave... never have to change... never... have to... grow...

But Justin has taught me... that’s a foolish way to think...

Because the outside world does exist...

With people who will hate you...

People who will try to hurt you...

People who will try to attack you...

People who will try to pull you apart...

People who will try to... tell you... it’s wrong...

People... who... will... try to love you...

So... I need to deal with the outside world. We need to deal with it.

And as much as I don’t want to grow up and change... I have so many other things to think about now... Gus... work...

Justin...

Fuck...

I tip his head back under the spray, rinsing the soap from his hair... running my fingers through the thick blond strands... and feel myself... get... a little...

Anxious... scared...

Ready.

I turn him around... out of the spray... put my hands on either side of his face... and just look into his eyes... just... stare... let him stare at me back... let him... see inside... a little... hope he sees... inside... a little...

Kiss his lips... think about just this... for... however long I’ve got... however long he’ll give me...

I feel his hands on my chest... a little pressure at first... then more... I step back into the glass... never letting my lips leave his... till he breaks away... taking the soap in his hands... he spreads it across my chest... his fingers playing across my soapy skin... running down my arms... down my stomach... his palms widen as they slip behind me and across my ass...

I close my eyes... leaning back against the shower wall... let him explore... me... let him discover... me... let him... do whatever he wants... the sensation of his light touch... skimming across my body... sending shivers through me... I feel my dick respond...

Then... he grips my shoulder... and I turn around... face into the glass... my dick slapping against the warm wall... feel soap gliding across my shoulder blades... up my neck... then down my spine... across my back... then just the tips of his fingers... spreading it around... then his body pressed to mine... then... his dick... pushed into my crack... hard... ah... fuck... against my hole... I relax... open up... to let him in... without thinking... about anything...

But I feel his body leave mine for a minute... and I hear the shake of a condom wrapper... as if he’s wanting me to hear it... and... for a split second I feel a slash of guilt or something... and I... almost want to tell him... to just ‘do it’... like he’s told me times before... but I realize... that... while I don’t care about me... don’t care... if he fucked me... like that... I could never, ever reciprocate... could... never... give that back to him... while I live the life I lead... I’m too scared... too scared... for him...

Then I feel his dick back at my hole... and... I... brace myself against... the glass... and almost laugh... because... I remember doing this to him... so long ago... that first morning... me... fucking him... pressed up against this very wall... me taking him... again and again and again... right here...

Mmmm... oh! He starts to push in... and I have to... concentrate... on... relaxing... because... this... isn’t something that... comes naturally to me... or at least hasn’t... in a long while...

I push out a breath... as I let go... and he slides inside me... I rest my forehead on my arm against the glass... take in the warm sensation of being filled... being... full... of his big cock... his cheek pushed against my soapy back... he hums a monotone through his nose... wraps his arms around my chest... and starts... his rhythmic fucking... short thrusts... in and out... I bend my knees a little so he can penetrate me deeper... delve further inside... and I realize... how much I like it...

Feel him get close... hear him letting out little pants... his breath brushing my skin... want to cum together... wrap my hand around my dick and pump it hard... in time with his hips rubbing against my ass... his hands... flat out on my belly... push me back on his cock... and we reach the peak... riding slowly there... as one body... connected together... and... then... oh oh oh oh... fuck... I feel it happen... it creeps up on me... slowly... and he fucks me faster... and it suddenly all feels right... and we release together... quietly... holding on... to each other... I let go of my dick and put my hand on top of his on my chest... and his fingers find mine... and I hear him let out little cries through closed lips...

Big sighs... from both of us... he needed it... I needed it... just don’t wanna let go... but he slowly slides his dick from me... I turn around and kiss him hard... pull him with me under the water so it runs between our bodies... coursing between us... running down our legs...

Reluctantly pull apart... wash the soap from our skin... turn off the water and step out of the warmth of shower stall... pulling our towels around us...

I watch his face as he rubs the towel over his hair... his eyes scrunch up a little... in pain... from the lump or a headache I don’t know...

“You okay?” I ask him.

“Hm?” he looks up at me.

“Is your headache back?” I try to look in his face, but he rubs his hair with the towel again, obscuring his eyes.

“Nope... I’m fine...” he says it a little too fast...

“Justin...” I grab the towel from him and he looks at me... his face is hard... like he’s trying to hide something...

Makes me think... of these last few weeks... and fuck... I wanna ask... I wanna just fucking ask... if it’s over... if... it’s done... if... Justin’s back... and the other is gone...

“What, Brian?” his hair is all crazy messed up and wet... and... it makes me smile... and the desire to ask goes away... I realize... it doesn’t matter... shouldn’t matter... because he’s here right now... and... I’d be a fucking hypocrite to ask it...

“Nothing...” I toss the towel at him and he laughs a little... love that... missed that... “So... almost done school, hunh?”

“Yep,” he says, leaning over the sink inspecting his chin.

“Big project due?” I ask, watching his face. I fucking know that all this screwing around has affected his schoolwork. Know that all the times he said he was 'sweating over a project'... he was sweating over something... someone else...

“Uh hunh,” he says distractedly, rubbing some hair gel through his fingers.

“Working tonight?” Christ, it’s amazing how few words we can use to communicate with each other.

“Nope...” he slides his fingers through his hair... calming it... getting it just the way he likes... the way I like... now that it’s longer... “I’m ready for Babylon... ready to dance... have fun again...” he turns away from the mirror and into me... his damp skin pressing against mine...

Babylon. Fuck. The reality of last night comes crashing down around me as I remember what happened... remember... what a fucking ass I was... remember... pushing Michael away... remember... the eyes on my back... remember ... Lindsay and Mel and Deb and Vic and everyone looking at me... as I watched Justin walk out the door... with someone else...

Fuck. For the first time... I think, ever... I don’t wanna go to Babylon on Saturday night.

I run my hand down his arm... “You think you’re... okay... for that?” I cautiously ask... don’t wanna bring up his headache... make him feel like he can’t do something he wants to because of it.

“You’ve got some drugs, right? Something... I can take?” he takes a step away from me and I try to remember that he can do what he wants.

“Hey... you really shouldn’t...” I wanna bite my tongue as the words slip out... you’re not my father, his words come back to me... the ones he yelled at me not so long ago...

“Hey... don’t tell me what to do,” he says, mimicking my words and pushing by me. I feel a little stunned... somehow... I watch as he rifles through his drawers, tossing shirts on the floor... he finds the one he’s looking for and pulls it on... fuck... the tight blue muscle shirt I bought him at Body Body in Chicago...

“Haven’t seen that for a while...” I say... loving the way it clings to him... I walk up beside him and slide my hands over the smooth fabric... taught against his chest... soft against my skin...

“Haven’t been out for fun for a while,” he answers, pulling on some underwear... he walks away from me towards the closet and I watch his ass move in the tight briefs...

I finish toweling myself off and get dressed... I’m serious about not wanting to go to Babylon... I figure I’ll take him out for something to eat... couple drinks at Woody’s... then lure him home with my cock in his back...

He slips on his baggy jeans and they slide down around his hips... fuck... I can’t take my eyes off him tonight... I wonder if he knows how fucking hot he is...

He wanders into the living room and picks up his book bag... stops a second in front of the painting he brought home last night and stares at it... I watch him look at it... watch him... for any sign... of... any emotion... don’t know... if he remembers... what happened... or what...

Then he just turns away, and pulls his cell phone out of his bag. He turns it on and I hear the “beep beep” telling him he has messages... I wanna ask who called... but it’s none of my business... so... I leave him to it and go into the bathroom to finish getting dressed...

Wonder what he would think if I told him I wanted to stay home tonight?

Go on to Part 10...